Thursday, March 7th

I slept amazing last night.  I was out like a light...so much so that when 6:30 AM rolled around, I did not want to get out of bed and go to the morning fitness class.  But I did.  I made it to class and had a nice little morning workout session with Lynn Ann in the studio.  But then after breakfast I was exhausted.  I mentioned this to a few people and those who have been here before said, "Oh yeah.  It's Thursday."  Apparently Thursday is typically harder for more first weekers because we have been going 100% 24/7 for 3 full days and many of us aren't used to that.  

So I powered through and went to the first class today about listening to your own inner voice.  It was fascinating (as most of Darla's classes are).  We learned about all of the different inner voices we have in our heads at all times.  The parent, who is both nurturing and critical, the adult, who is the one who makes us do basic things like sleep, shower, and eat, and the child who can be the 'free child', the compliant child and the rebel child.  When we are the critical parent (I should be eating better) we either become the compliant child (I will eat this apple) or the rebel child (I will eat a cookie).  For diet mentality eaters, are compliant and rebel are always in action.  I will eat this apple and then I will eat a cookie but then feel bad and eat an apple.

So our strategies are to start at the top with the critical parent and stop 'shoulding' ourselves.  Having a positive self image and self talking is the best, but Darla pointed out that some of us are so stuck in our negative thinking patterns that we just can't turn around our brains and say, "I am beautiful and I love my body."  We wouldn't believe ourselves and would be instantly critical, "Oh really....beautiful? You LOVE your body?  Are you insane?"  So she said our affirmations should be more along the lines of, "I dare to believe in myself."  "I am willing to notice that I have a beautiful face." "Even though I am not happy with my body today, I deeply love and accept myself."

Then we talked about creating healthy rebel behaviors.  One big rebel behavior is sneaky eating.  Something I started as a child and am embarrassed to say that I continue to this day.  So we are supposed to identify when we see this rebel coming out and to then replace our action of sneaky eating with another action that doesn't involve food, but still gives us that exciting feeling that a rebel would enjoy.  I did come up with my new rebel behavior, but I don't think I will share it on here because then it wouldn't feel exciting!

Final notes on this class....I obviously got a lot from it!  But the 'free child' is your inner voice or your intuition.  Rebel energy is anger that isn't expressed.  Your inner child often just needs to be acknowledged.  And finally, "I have never regretted getting up and going for a walk."  (For me, 'walk' is 'to swimnastics'.  i.e. why do I keep giving myself excuses for not going?)

My hike outside today was very nice...see pictures previously posted....and lunch was good.  We had a chickpea saute with brown rice.  In the afternoon, I went to a class called Body Neutrality: Messages from the past.  This class went further into body image, self hate, and self criticism.  Body neutrality is the bridge between having a negative body image to having a positive body image.  Like I said before, it could take many years for us to become positive about our bodies.  Or we may never actually get there, but if we can't at least pull away from total self hatred, then we will never succeed in our goals.  "It doesn't matter if you move to the positive and love.  It only matters that you move away from the criticism and hatred."

I then went onto Aquatics, which I loved, of course.  Today we did a circuit training class that combined cardio and strength training and it was awesome.  After our snack, Julia and I went to a "Design Your Own Circuit" class and learn how to make our own circuits for our own home environments.  I asked for help for a circuit that I can do in a tiny apartment with only a resistance band for equipment that doesn't involve jumping (I live above people and don't want to freak them out).  And with help, I created two circuits!  I used to print circuits from online and would hate one or two things on them and just never do them again.  Well now I have chosen all exercises, both cardio and strength, that I enjoy and will follow through with.  I plan to practice them here before I leave to make sure they are right for me.

Dinner this evening was salmon, broccoli, and couscous.  I had noted that I don't like salmon, so they had chicken already prepared for me before I showed up to dinner...so nice...and yes, it was good.

This evening I worked on little pieces of paper for my 'cookie jar'.  Basically, when I go to the kitchen to eat because I am bored, overwhelmed, or tired (my three big triggers), I can reach in my jar and pick out a distraction.  I have different colors for different feelings with different activities.  For example, if I am bored, I may pull out a slip that tells me to work on a mosaic or go explore my neighborhood.  When overwhelmed, I might write a to-do list or call a friend.  When tired, I might do some stretches or (surprise!) take a nap.  I made the slips of paper tonight and plan to get a dish or something tomorrow night at our paint a pottery outing.

And now it is an hour past when I have been going to bed, so I am tired.  Good night.