Headed Home!

It feels strange to be out in the real world! I made it to Boston yesterday and got to hang out for a short while with my cute sister, Ellie. I experienced my first two eating out challenges for lunch and dinner and I think it went well. I ordered extra veggies to keep my meals balanced, while still ordering what I wanted. I paid close attention to my hunger queues and left delicious food on the plate both times with no guilt. I did, however, have an encounter where I was forced to ask, "Is this really fruit? How long ago was it real fruit?" All in all I feel good about my choices and then I let the meals go.

This morning I write this post while sitting at my gate ready to board my flight to Denver. Luckily one of Ellie's roommates had some natural peanut butter so I was able bring my breakfast. I stopped and got a black unsweetened iced tea from Starbucks...oh how I've missed you, Starbucks Tea!

When I get to Denver I am going to head to Whole Foods so I will be prepared for my meals today and tomorrow my local, organic groceries will be delivered! Still feel quite positive! Happy Easter Everyone!

This photo is of myself, Tanya, and Karen.

Friday, March 29th

I'm done with classes!  I am one sleep and one breakfast away from leaving Green Mountain.  I cannot believe the journey I have been on here in Vermont and I am thankful to say that it has brilliantly exceeded my expectations.  This morning began with me getting my weight and measurements taken.  Since my new way of thinking has taught me not to focus on the scale, I will just tell you the part I am most excited about and that is that I have lost 3" around my middle in 4 weeks and 2" around my hips.  It's very encouraging and I look forward to more results as I continue on this new path.

After breakfast, I went to my final Total Body Strength class and I felt like it was a little tougher than my previous classes.  I think LynnAnn wanted to make sure we feel it when we get home so we don't forget.

After that, I went to my room and packed up my items...and I have a lot!  I was able to get two of my suitcases into my roommate's car so we will be ready to hit the road tomorrow.  She will be driving me to Deerfield, MA where we will meet Ellie who will then take me back to West Newton.  I will get to spend the night with Ellie and then I will fly home to Joe on Sunday morning.

The only other class I took today was the infamous 'Sustain the Change' class.  It is infamous for it's ability to make people cry.  I, surprisingly, had no problem whipping out a few tears, but they weren't sad tears, they were happy tears.  I teared up when I was talking about how I was feeling going home after four weeks.  I talked about how freeing these teachings have been for me.  Knowing now that food has no power over me and that I have the power is so liberating.  I am excited to practice my new ways and I am thankful that Joe is on board with me.  He is as excited about starting these new practices as I am and that means the world to me.  I am so thankful for his support as well as the support of all of my family and friends.  I've always known my support system was strong and unique and every time I am reminded of it, it fills me with comfort and joy.  So thank you to all of you who have voiced your support and followed my journey.  Tomorrow, I will change my tag line from "My Month in Green Mountain" to something that embodies my next step of going home and living my life in a new way and I will continue to blog, so check back often!

Friday's Schedule

7:45 AM - My leaving assessment: I will be weighed and measured to see the comparisons from when I began my journey.  I will then ignore my inner thoughts about said weigh in because I am more than a number on the scale.  They will also test my endurance, balance, and flexibility like they did at the start.

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Total Body Strength

10:30 AM - I'm not sure if I'll go to Nia or not...I'll likely just pack.

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Class on creating a Soul Collage

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Sustaining the Change

6:00 PM - Dinner

And then I will be done with all classes!

Thursday, March 28th

This morning began after breakfast with a class called, "Feeding the Seven Hungers".  We discussed the seven ways we 'feel' hunger and whether or not they are really telling us if we are hungry or not.

1. Eyes - Seeing foods often make us think we are hungry.  (i.e. passing a cupcake shop for me!)
2. Nose - Smells can trigger a feeling of hunger
3. Mouth - Can water when you see certain foods
4. Stomach - This is a location that we should trust when it tells us it is hungry
5. Cellular - Another location we need to learn to trust.  (i.e. think of when you crave foods you don't normally crave as markers from our body telling us we need certain nutrients)
6. Mind - This is the one we wrestle with the most, but can never fill with food.  (Just meditate on that for a moment....)
7. Heart - Another thing we can't fill or please with food.  Often if we are feeling hunger in our heart it has nothing to do with food.  We asked our hearts today what we were truly hungry for and my answer was Joe.  I miss him terribly.

Another thing that came up in this class was that another participate mentioned that she was feeling really stressed being in her second week of the program.  That got me thinking and I raised my hand and explained my week reflections with her.  I said that the first week for me was so exciting and enlightening.  It brought me that hope that I often get when I am about to start a new diet.  The second week made me doubt myself and recall all of my past failures as I tried to practice the program.  (I have failed in the past, I will fail at this. What will I do when I fail again?  How can I possibly endure more failure?)  The third week I really drew into myself and ruminated on what I had learned and was currently practicing.  And now my fourth week, I have come to realize that this 'program' is not a diet.  It is not a 'program'.  It is an invitation to move back into my body.  The leader Barbara pointed out that we are on a path and we will stray from that path often but it is quite simple to hop back on the path.  I have also used this week to make my plans for going home.  My body and mind have been living on a natural/real, balanced foods plan for 4 weeks now...it's created a new habit.  I am noticing my hunger now.  I notice when I am full (do I still overeat at some meals?  Yes, but I am in training. At least I notice it now.).  I have taken back my power from the chocolate chip cookie because guess what, I have given myself permission to have it at ANY TIME for the REST OF MY LIFE!  So liberating!  I am thankful I have taken this entire month to fully go through the process.  I couldn't possibly have come to these conclusions if I only stayed a week.

I went to my final (sad face) aquatics class today and enjoyed it as usual.  For lunch we had Dangerous Dave's Fried Chicken!  It was awesome!  (Dave is the chef.)  It was in little chicken tender pieces (my fav) and not exactly fried, but amazing.  We also had gluten-free corn bread, which was also awesome.

After lunch, I went to a class called, "Befriending the Body, Befriending the Mind".  The discussion topic was grace.  What that means to us and how we can bring grace into our lives.  The instructors, Barbara and Elisa, had made reflection/affirmation cards a while back and they have been printed professionally with quotes and black and white images.  They displayed them around the room and asked us to find one that spoke to us about grace.  I chose one with what looks like a public water fountain and it says,

Imagine your body

surrounded & supported

by water.

Invite the water to move you.

Move the water.

Be moved by the water.

Today, bring your

awareness to the way you

flow through life.

After we chose our card, they asked us to free write about the card on the topic of grace.  Here is what I wrote:

This card speaks to me of grace

because of the feeling of peace I get

when I am swimming in a calm pool or lake.

The world is quiet around me

and I can float softly.

I feel my arms and legs and fingers 

move through the pressure of the water.

I am aware of my body

and the movements I make.

My muscles relax

and I can float on the surface with ease.

When I swim with the water,

I feel strong

and it raises my spirit.

After class, I went to my room and finished the fifth and final thing I had on my to do list this week.  I created my "This Month Belongs to Me!" cards that I posted a little earlier today.  I also did some laundry and will probably start packing tonight!  The end is nigh.

This Month Belongs to Me

One of the goals I wanted to accomplish before I leave Green Mountain was to put together my "This Month Belongs to Me!" cards.  I have learned so much here that it is impossible to retain it all and focus on everything every day.  So I decided to create one card for each day of the month that has one affirmation or GM teaching for me to focus on at a time.  When I get home, these will be printed, attached to colorful note cards, decorated, and laminated.  Each morning I will pick up the card, display it prominently in my home, and repeat it to myself at least three times.  I then plan to add the message on the card to my iPhone's calendar with an alarm setting to go off 3-5 times throughout the day. By the end of the day, I want to be reciting the cards in my sleep.  Darla taught us that it takes 300 repetitions to change our neuropathways.  So perhaps after a few months, some of these phrases or practices will become a part of me, replacing my negative self talk and diet mentality.  Below are my days...feel free to steal this if you are looking for a little inspiration in your life!

Day 1

I do this for me and no one can take it away.

Day 2

Today, think of where my food came from. 

Is it ‘real’?  Processed? 

How is it nourishing me?

Day 3

My body is a reflection of my mind.

Day 4

I have never regretted going for

a walk or swim.

Day 5

Give myself ridiculously small goals today.

Day 6

Do not stop strength training.

Cardio burns fat and makes my heart and lungs healthy.

Stretch until my face falls off!

Day 7

Something is ALWAYS better than nothing.

Day 8

Focus on my hunger today.  What is my hunger level before I eat?

0-10

Day 9

Eat Mindfully

1.    Wait for Hunger

2.    Eat What I Want

3.    Eat Balanced Meals

4.    Get Focused!

Day 10

When looking to make a change, look for the easiest path.

Day 11

I am the only expert on my body’s journey.  Balance and mindfulness are my compass to my Green Mountain me.

Day 12

Nature is smart.

Natural is always better.

Day 13

To separate myself from my feelings, connect to my body through movement or through my senses.

Day 14

Check in with my strength training routine today.  Do I need to up my weight or my reps?  Do I need to add moves?

Am I sticking to my THR when I do cardio?  If not, how can I up my intensity so my workouts work for me?

Day 15

May I be kind.

May I be gentle.

May I be safe.

Day 16

We are only humans; we are not angels.

Day 17

Am I following the plate model for my

lunch and dinner?

Day 18

Practice Thought Stopping

1.    STOP!

2.    It doesn't do me any good to think about this right now.

3.    Visualize my relaxation place.

Day 19

Option Approach to ‘Fun’ Foods

1.    Do I really want it?

2.    How much is reasonable?

3.    Eat it mindfully!

4.    Let it GO!

Day 20

Feeling anxious or stressed?  Do my healthy rebel behavior!

Day 21

I decide when I am enough.

Day 22

Pay attention to my feelings and hunger.  Attention is the most basic form of love.

Day 23

Every moment is a choice and my next one can be a good one.

Day 24

Pay attention today to when my food loses its taste or appeal and stop eating.

Day 25

I am open to the possibility that I can love myself regardless of my weight the same way my loved ones can love me at any

size or weight.

Day 26

Am I being a chaotic eater today?  Am I having diet mentality thoughts today?

That’s your old way of thinking!

Day 27

Nourish myself through movement.

Day 28

How I talk to myself effects how I feel and what I do.

Day 29

It doesn't matter if I can’t yet move to body positivity and love.  It only matters that I move away from self-hate and criticism.

Day 30

Give myself enough space to connect to myself.

Day 31

Give myself permission to weigh in today.

I am more than a number on the scale.

How do I feel aside from that number? Strong? Happy? Healthy?

Accepting of my body?

Thursday's Schedule

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Mindful Eating: Feeding the 7 Hungers

10:30 AM - Aquatics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Befriending the Body, Befriending the Mind

Freetime

6:00 PM - Dinner

Wednesday, March 27th

TWO DAYS LEFT!!  I'm so excited to go home to my Joe (well, first I get to see my cute sister, Ellie, and then I fly to Denver) and start living my new life!

This morning after breakfast I went to Total Body Strength.  It was good as always.  I have been really paying attention to my weights in that class and bumping up or taking down so I can fully experience the exercise at the correct form.  That's what is so great about being here.  The instructors pay really close attention to you to make sure you are doing everything correctly and to prepare you for doing it on your own in the real world.

After that I went to my aquatics class.  Awesome as always.  Lunch today was a minestrone soup with a salad bar.  Following that, I went to a class about overcoming exercise plateaus.  Some of the lecture I had heard before, but the thing I got most out of it was how to step up my walking.  I explained that I don't currently have access to a treadmill (and hate them if I did) and so I wanted to know how best to keep my heart rate up in a walk without having to start jogging.  So LynnAnn pointed out that I should be changing up my walk every 5 minutes.  Move faster, then do calf raises on a curb, then do some side squats, then walk up a hill (be mindful to slow my pace while going up the hill so I don't kill myself), etc.  I have decided to invest in a polar heart monitor because I have a hard time finding my pulse and if I want my walks to really work for me, I need to know that I am falling into my Target Heart Rate.  Otherwise, I will get bored of my walks when I realize they aren't doing much more for me anymore.

I used the rest of my afternoon to buy my first batch of organic and locally grown foods online to be delivered to my apt on Monday.  I also planned out my meals for next week and wrote out a grocery list of the other items I will need that aren't offered by my delivery service.  I also ordered myself a fitball and mat.  I'm going to be so ready when I get home!

Wednesday's Schedule

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Total Body Strength

10:30 AM - Aquatics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Overcoming Exercise Plateaus

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Knowing Your Heart's Deepest Desire

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Cooking Demo: Dazzling Dressings

Tuesday, March 26th

This morning after breakfast, I went to the Pilates Mat class and quite enjoyed it.  This is the third time I have taken a Pilates class, but this was the first where we did not use any instruments (the pilates ring or fitball).  We stuck with our own body weight and the mat.  I may continue some of the moves when I get home to help my core, strength and flexibility.

Aquatics was next and as per usual, I had a great time in the pool  Back again tomorrow!  Lunch today was a chicken and cheese wrap, marinated mushrooms, and a salad.  All very good.  After lunch, I read a book I bought last night at the gift shop called, "Healthy at Every Size."  I'm only a little bit into the book, but I think I will enjoy it.  It promotes the Green Mountain message about not focusing on a scale, but on how you feel and listening closer to the cues our bodies tell us.  I'll let you know how it goes when I finish the book.

I also went to the Cardio Circuit Blast class.  My right ankle has been a little naggy these last two days, so Masha showed me ways to modify a few steps so I wouldn't aggravate it.  It helped a lot and I hope it will feel better tomorrow.

Dinner this evening was fish tacos with pico de gallo and coleslaw.  It was good, but unfortunately not incredibly filling.  But for dessert...baked goods Tuesday!...we had carrot cake and it was fantastic.  (No cream cheese icing though)  :0)

After dinner I went to a meditation class led by a guest lecturer, Elise Commerce.  We explored meditation through chanting/mantras and it was really neat!  She said that different mantras evoke different things in us, so we practiced a number of them to see which ones spoke to us.  My favorite was, "Ga te ga te para ga te para sam ga te bo dhi sva ha" which means, "Gone, gone, beyond gone, further beyond gone" or something like that.  It can be helpful when you are trying to get other something in your life.  The one we did after that, the Lokah, unfortunately made me nauseous.  She that is likely because it is supposed to give you energy and I already had energy, so it was hard for me to breathe correctly during it.  Pretty interesting.  I may try chanting again, or maybe I will just listen to others chant.  I think that is more soothing to me.

One More Note

At dinner tonight, my table was talking about gastric bypass surgery and one lady, Donna, had mentioned that she considered it at one point, but then saw how miserable others were who had it done.  We all agreed that it doesn't change the way you think and whether your stomach is big or small, you are still going to want to eat the same as before.  Then Donna said something that really made sense to me.  She said, "My body is a reflection of my mind."

That just reiterates how important it is to retrain the way we think about our health, food, and fitness. And that is why this program at GM was appealing to me.  This program isn't just about eating better and working out, but it really focuses in on how we think and helps us to get out of our diet mentality.

Tuesday's Schedule

7:00 AM - Morning Momentum

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Mat Pilates

10:30 AM - Aquatics

Noon - Lunch

2:30 PM - Cardio Circuit Blast

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Free Time

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Lecture "Your Body as a Sound Resonator"

Monday, March 25th

Back in the saddle for the forth and final week!  This morning after breakfast I went to the Total Body Strength Circuit class followed by Low Impact Aerobics.  Both were good classes, but again, I wasn't too excited about the low impact class.  I just find it boring.  I won't be going to another class like that while I am here.  Going just makes me think I don't like exercising, when in reality, I love aquatics and circuit classes.

Lunch today was a really awesome garbanzo bean salad with feta and tomatoes, whole wheat chips, and salad.  After, I was going to attend a class, but realized I had already taken the class back at my first week.  So instead, Patty and I watched the documentary, "Sick, Fat, and Nearly Dead".  It was very good.  The man the documentary is about went rather extreme and juiced for 60+ days.  While that isn't something I will be doing ever, there were a few points within the documentary that made sense to me.  It reiterated what we have been learning here about paying attention to what we put into our bodies.  It said that our bodies are constantly trying to heal themselves, but if we aren't giving them the right fuel, then it doesn't have time to fix itself.  By feeding ourselves natural, real foods then it can run more efficiently.  When it comes to juicing, the thing that stuck out the most to me was that while it is exhausting to eat kale, a cucumber, 2 apples, and 4 celery sticks in one sitting, if you juice it, you are getting all of those plant food nutrients all at once.  As someone who is seriously lacking fruits and veggies in her diet, this sounded quite appealing.  After talking to Joe tonight, I think we will invest in a juicer and try for one glass a day.  I will likely have mine in the morning with my protein (eggs or peanut butter) and Joe can replace his V8 juice with the real thing that isn't high in sodium.

While I think about going home this week, I am really excited about changing my eating habits.  After having been at Green Mountain for 3 weeks on their meal plan, I can really tell the difference in how I feel.  I have more energy, I don't feel deprived, and I just feel stronger.  I have been doing a lot of research online about what is available in Denver, and I am excited to get started.  I have been a big believer in 'community' for some time now and my new way of thinking about food will fit right in because I want to support local farmers and food artisans.  I have been addicted to foods full of preservatives for years and just taking foods with lots of preservatives out of my diet is really going to make a difference.

After I watched the documentary, I put together my fitness plan for when I get home. I have taken into consideration Joe's days off and will make his weekend my weekend as well.  I have planned to take three classes (aqua and strength training) at local community centers and I have just bought 3 DVDs from the gift shop here at GM with LynnAnn as the star.  It will help me to feel like I am right here in the studio.  While working out my fitness schedule, I also planned out when I should be eating every day.  As a Chaotic eater, the structure here has been great for me.  So I have calculated me sleeping in and staying up late as that is my natural cycle and when I should eat, workout, and of course, Work!  I will try it for the first few weeks and then tweek as necessary.

Dinner tonight was a turkey burger (sans bun...boo), broccoli, and steak fries.  Yum!  For dessert it was a banana-raspberry freeze and the chef made me a raspberry only freeze since I don't like bananas.  They are so nice here.

Other than that, the highlight of my day was that I got a care package from Joe in the mail today!  Very exciting.  He made me a mix CD that I can't wait to listen too and put in a lot of great little things like sunglasses, earrings, socks, etc.  And don't worry, he knew better than to put any food in there!  He is a good boyfriend.  :0)

Monday's Schedule

I had a fairly relaxing day today.  I caught up on some of my shows and watched a good documentary on Netflix called, "Hungry for Change".  It was very good.  It is very much about the Green Mountain message and philosophy.  I highly suggest the GM alumni watch it because it will help to re-motivate.

We had 12 newbies arrive today.  So far everyone seems lovely, as usual.  Here is my schedule for tomorrow:

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Total Body Strength Circuit

10:30 AM - Low Impact Aerobics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Understanding and Managing Food Cravings

2:30 PM - Walk on the Logging Trail

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Free Time

6:00 PM - Dinner

As this is my final week at GM, I will have a few time slots for free time on certain days.  My goal is to use that time to start thinking about going home.  I have been researching local produce deliveries and rec center classes I can take...so I will put my info together and hopefully work out a plan to focus on eating balanced meals and working in fitness.

Saturday, March 23rd

Ahhhh, the weekend.  This morning after I finished my laundry and a nap, we had lunch and then we sadly said goodbye to Alyson.  Our little group is dwindling.

Patty, Alyson, and Me

Then my roommate Tanya invited Patty and I to join her in a mini road trip to Manchester, VT for some outlet shopping.  We were able to get a lot of walking in and our credit cards got some much needed exercise as well!  I was able to get a couple things at awesome outlet pricing. 

While in Manchester, we tried our hand out eating out again and I feel good about it.  I had a sandwich and only ate half, substituted my fries for a salad, and only ate half of my dessert!  It's been a few hours and I still feel full and satisfied.

Tomorrow will be another day of relaxation as I set up to watch the parade of newbies come in.  I can't believe I am down to my last week!  I am ready to go home to my Joe!

Friday, March 22nd

Today was a really good active day.  This morning after breakfast, I went to the Total Body Strength class followed by Cardio on the Fitball.  Both were good and I felt like my core was stronger than yesterday (after that crazy Ultimate Core class).

Lunch today was PIZZA!  Woo!  The pizza they make us here is so good.  I need to start making my own whole wheat dough!  After lunch, I decided at the last minute to join the group that was going for a hike in Woodstock, VT.  We had to drive 45 minutes North East, but it was worth it.  We had so much fun.  Only Alyson, Tanya, and I went with LynnAnn and intern Ginger.  LynnAnn took us on a brisk little walk on a road alongside a river and then we finished our walk in the quaint little town while we did some shopping.  It was great.  I bought a few small things that I am excited about.  And I walked by some Reese Peanut Butter Eggs and didn't buy them!  Nugget of Success.

When we got back to GM, I was able to have a nice conversation with Joe and then dinner was a very delicious Chicken Picata, green beans, roasted sweet potatoes, and ICE CREAM!  (Kickass food day at GM.)  After dinner a few of us went back to the paint your own pottery place that we went to 2 weeks ago and painted away.  It was a lot of fun.  A nice end to the week.  I am sad that Alyson is leaving tomorrow.  Out of our original group, only two of us will remain.  But we will carry on for one more week!  Below are pictures of our walk in Woodstock.

Alyson

Tomorrow a few of us are going to venture out of Ludlow for some more sight seeing and shopping.  We are even thinking about trying another dinner out at a restaurant!  We are some crazy ladies!

Friday's Schedule

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Total Body Strength

10:30 AM - Cardio on the Fitball

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Eating in Restaurants: You can do it!

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - TED Talk & Discussion

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Paint your own pottery

Thursday, March 21st

Another busy day at Green Mountain!  Now that I am deep in my third week, I've realized that I attend fewer lecture classes because there are fewer options, or the offerings probably don't apply to me.  It's kind of nice because I am getting a little more free time in my days.  This is allowing me to think more and more about how I will implement my new habits into my life in Denver.  I am looking forward to diving in deeper next week with this 'planning' phase and I hope to have a clear path to follow when I get home.

This morning after breakfast, I went to Ultimate Core.  I really don't know what possessed me to go so something that sounded so scary, but I hadn't taken a class yet that solely focused on core, so I said, "What the heck" and went.  Let me just say that my abs are still telling me about their adventurous day at school.  It was a circuit class, which I love, but each station was a tool for torture.  I don't think I have ever seen sweat drip off my face so quickly.  I was seriously worried that the person after me would slip on the lake I left behind.  Luckily, that didn't happen.  I am glad I went because I do think I could continue SOME, not all of the exercises on my own.  Plus, it was nice to get the encouragement from LynnAnn.  She said things like, "See how much you are shaking?  That's good!" Also, I was almost able to hula hoop for the first time in my life.  I plan to practice it again while here.  It'd be great to get it!

I went straight from Core to Aquatics.  The pool felt nice after the strenuous ab work and we got to do a circuit there as well.  I really enjoyed the class and was glad that I made it to the pool all three times this week.  I plan to repeat that for next week as well.

Lunch today was a great black bean soup with corn chips and salad.  After that I went to a lecture about managing anxiety.  We did an exercise where we thought about what gives us anxiety, wrote out what our immediate thoughts are regarding the specific anxiety and then what evidence we have that lead us to believe to those thoughts.  We then went through and refuted that evidence and came up with a positive thought to tell ourselves when the anxiety arises.  I'd give an example, but all I could think of were work issues for me from a job I no longer have!  So while I couldn't think of a concrete anxiety right now, I at least know a good exercise I can do when my next anxious moment comes up.

I decided to then take the rest of the afternoon off.  I was still 'feeling the burn' from my two morning exercises, so I wanted to take it easy.  Plus, it was a good time to call Joe and we got to talk for a good 50 minutes, which was great because I miss him.  It was also nice to talk briefly with Mom and Ellie today too!  I hope you guys are enjoying NYC!

Thursday's Schedule

7:00 AM - Morning Momentum (Maybe...I'll see how I feel)

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Ultimate Core

10:30 AM - Aquatics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Managing Anxiety

2:30 PM - Nia Mind/Body Dance

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Seated Stretch and Relaxation

6:00 PM - Dinner

I forgot to mention in my earlier blog post that a friend had to leave GM today because her father is in the hospital.  I, along with my small group of friends, was really sad to see her go so soon (we had hoped to finish out the next 1.5 weeks with her).  We all had many laughs together here, but I know she is where she needs to be right now.  My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.

Wednesday, March 20th

Look at the scary icicles I woke up to outside my window this morning!

This morning began with Tai Chi and breakfast.  I then went to a Total Body Strength fitness class that was taught by LynnAnn.  She really upped the ante this morning and I felt it!  Afterwards, I had no qualms about taking a little nap.  It was nice.

Lunch today was salad, half of a baked potato, baked beans, and veggie soup.  All good, but the baked beans were amazing.  I need to get the recipe from the cook.  After lunch, I attended a lecture about being in the body.We discussed how we can disconnect from ourselves (I do so by indulging in movies and books to escape my own life/body for a while) and strategies for reconnecting.  The biggest thing is to acknowledge when you become disconnected and try to take a moment to reconnect.  Honestly, I felt the class was fairly similar to yesterday's lecture, so I didn't get much out of it.

I was happy to then get my bathing suit on and head to aquatics.  Today's class was a step up from yesterday's and I got quite a good workout.  LynnAnn complimented me on my effort and said that she can tell that I have done these types of classes before (Masha has taught the other aquatics classes I've been to while here at GM) and that she likes my energy.  I just keep thinking about how much I loved playing in the pool as a kid and I try to reconnect to those feelings.

After snack I went to a really unproductive 'Conversation Cafe'.  Only three of us showed up and one person monopolized the conversation. Oh well, maybe it will be better next week.

Dinner tonight was a chicken stir fry with rice noodles with roasted peaches for dessert.  Following dinner we had a cooking demonstration on how to cook fish.  Chef Dave showed us tuna, mahi mahi, and red snapper.  It was very helpful and I hope to be more adventurous in my fish cooking in the future.

Note for the day, my tooth still hurts where I bit down on the quinoa stone yesterday.  :0(  I guess I will have to see a dentist when I return to Denver.  Blah.

Wednesday's Schedule

7:00 AM - Tai Chi

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Conversation Cafe

10:30 AM - I could walk, I could take a cardio class or I could rest.  I'll see how I feel.

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Body Neutrality: Being in the Body

2:30 PM - Aquatics

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Stress Management

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Cooking Demo: Fish

Tuesday, March 19th

It has been crazy snowing here in Vermont today.  And from what I can tell, it isn't stopping!  It's so bad out that the chefs and some of the administrative staff have decided to stay the night and sleep in the empty rooms.  Here are some pictures I took today of the snow.

This morning I woke up early to do the Morning Momentum class and then I went down to breakfast. After I ate, I went to the Pilates Circuit class.  There was a lot of work with the fitball and the Pilates ring.  I got to do my awesome sit up from laying down position again...so that felt rewarding.

After Pilates, I strapped on the ol' bathing suit (there was a lot of breathe in, breathe out to get it on properly) and went to aquatics.  It was great being back in the pool. We did a mix of cardio and strength training and when it finished, I swam a couple extra laps in the pool (head above water breast strokes) because it just felt so good to be in the pool.

Lunch today was the weekly 'Silent/Mindful' lunch...after concentrating so hard on my lemon chicken, tomato salad, quinoa, and broccoli coleslaw, I just came to the conclusion that I mindfully did not enjoy today's lunch.  On top of not enjoying it, I think I chipped a bit of my tooth on a stone.  Did you know that quinoa has a tendency to have STONES in it?  Well, it does and when I bit down on it, it made a very large noise at my table and my tablemates noticed and broke the silence to ask if I was okay.  My tooth is okay, but I think a tiny bit has probably been swallowed with the stone.  After lunch, I immediately found Robyn, our dietitian and told her to put me on the No Quinoa list, so I shouldn't be getting it again while I am here.  I'm sorry, but healthy, whole grain, good source of protein, blah, blah, blah is NOT worth it!  I can imagine my conversation with my dentist. "Beth have you been chewing on rocks?  Your teeth are a disaster!" "Well, actually...I'm eating healthier!"

My afternoon class was about Muscle Magic.  LynnAnn went over the different types of muscles that we have (skeletal, smooth, cardiac) and what is the most important thing for them (nutrients, water, oxygen) and really made sure we understood the importance of strength training.

I then attended Cardio Circuit Blast and it was TOUGH today!  But I stuck with it and felt really good when it was complete.  Snack followed and then a class taught by Darla about living in the moment or minute.  We tried to identify when we get 'stuck' and how we can give ourselves space before we get to stuck.  For example, when I get bored, I tend to watch 5 movies in one sitting.  So perhaps I can take a moment to step outside for fresh air and then decide my next move.  Maybe it will be that I go for a walk, or maybe it will be a bargain with myself that I will watch one movie and then be active or engage in a hobby.  

At the end of class, she wanted to make sure that we all had our affirmations handy in our brains to use when we really need them.  I have two for myself.  The first is when I am between decisions, or I just made a terrible decision and I feel guilty.  It is, "Every moment is a choice.  My next one can be good."  And my second is when I am self hating my body.  I actually got this one from my mother.  Years ago when I was upset about my weight, Mom said to me, "No one important in your life has ever stopped loving you because of your weight."  So today, I have added on to this and my affirmation is, "No one has ever stopped loving me because of my weight, so why should I?"  It's just so empowering!  I need to repeat it daily until it becomes part of my everyday inner voice.

Dinner tonight also wasn't great for me.  It was Sesame Flavored Pollock, kale, and brown rice.  The only thing I was excited about was the CHEESECAKE for dessert!  Woo!  It was....okay.  :0)  I did enjoy it actually, but my stomach didn't enjoy all of the dairy and rejected it rather quickly.  Awesome.  All in all, not a great food day for Beth.  I'm sure tomorrow will be better.  

Tuesday's Schedule

7:00 AM - Morning Momentum

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Pilates Circuit

10:30 AM - Aquatics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Intrinsic Exercise: Muscle Magic

2:30 PM - Cardio Circuit Blast

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Behavior Special Topics: Strategies for the Minute Minute

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Sweet Dreams: Making Sleep Work for You

Monday, March 18th

Back into the swing of things at Green Mountain!  First of all, a quick shout out to those I met here who have gone home to practice your new habits.  I know a number of you are reading and those of us (four of us) that are still here miss you guys!  Secondly, the new group this week seems great.  There are a total of 16 of us here now and to me, that number is much more manageable.  I like the smaller class sizes and the quieter dining room...plus it makes it easier to get to know everyone!

This morning started with me feeling a little off and nauseous.  I wasn't sure if it was the little 24 stomach bug that had been going around or my lack of movement over the weekend...but I didn't have much of an appetite for breakfast or lunch, and luckily felt better after my afternoon walk outside.  Maybe I just needed the fresh air.  Anyway, after breakfast, I started the day with a Total Body Strength Circuit class.  It was great.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love circuits!  They really get my heart pumping and my face all red, but because we move to a new station every minute, it doesn't feel as tedious.

After that fitness class, I headed to my next, Low Impact Aerobics.  It was good.  I was glad I didn't throw up all over the place as I thought I might at the beginning (from the bug), but I pushed through and got a good workout.

Lunch today was a black bean, veggie, and cheese wrap thingy.  It was good, but I did have to pull out the pineapple that was in it...that part wasn't sitting well.  I also didn't touch my salad at lunch.  Part of my lost appetite, I guess.

My class today on Sustaining the Change went well.  We had a similar class last week.  Basically, it is a chance for us to check in where we are in the program and figure out what went well last week and what we want to work on this week.  I really want to pay more attention to my hunger while I am eating this week.  I have been pretty good at being a part of the Clean Plate Club here and I know when I get into the real world, my portions won't always be so perfect.  So I am going to try to slow down and figure out if I really do need to finish my plate, or if I should stop before I see the table cloth.

My walk on the logging trail this afternoon was quite nice.  It was pretty cold outside, but the walk helped to warm me up.  Parts of the trail were fairly slippery and I thought I tweeked my ankle at one point.  Luckily, I didn't fall, and my ankle is fine 8 hours later.  It's so quiet and beautiful out there.  I feel like these hikes will really become a visualization for me when I need to meditate or remember my time here.

Fitness Intern Ginger and my new roommate, Tanya

After snack, I decided to forgo late afternoon classes and just go relax.  I took a nice shower and read for a few hours.  It was great.  I actually finished reading a book called, "Stranger Here: How Weight Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head".  While not a required reading piece you might be thinking, it is actually a book that was featured in People Mag. that I thought might go well with my time here.  I really enjoyed it as it really touched on a lot of the messages we are learning here such as stopping self hate, identifying ourselves outside our looks, etc.  Plus, I definitely don't ever want to get weight loss surgery now!  (Not that I wanted it before either...it's just solidified my previous stance on that option for me.)

Dinner tonight was turkey meatloaf, green beans, and mashed potatoes.  Very good.  Dessert was bananas in berry sauce....again!  It's become a bit of a running joke for me because I don't like bananas and this dessert is basically a nightmare.  So tonight I asked if I could have ANY OTHER FRUIT in berry sauce.  The guys in the kitchen were much obliging and gave me apples in berry sauce.  So much better and satisfying than sucking sauce off of gross, slimy banana pieces...something I may or may not have done last week........

After dinner we watched a documentary called, "Miss Representation" which is about the effect that news and media have on all of us and especially on impressionable young children.  It was quite good.  Makes me want to go out there and do something!  (Mentor, volunteer, run for office, be a role model!)

So like I said before, I am happy to be feeling better now.  I better get to bed so I can get a good night's sleep and be ready for Morning Momentum in the early morning!

Monday's Schedule

Today was a rather nice, uneventful day of rest, so I won't bore you with the details.  I have met my new roommate, Tanya, and I think she will make a very nice roommate.  She is from Connecticut, is married and has two little ones at home.  She has been here before and will be here for two weeks, so we will finish out together.  But for now, it is back to work tomorrow!  Here is my schedule:

8:00 AM - Breakfast

9:00 AM - Total Body Strength Circuit

10:30 AM - Low Impact Aerobics

Noon - Lunch

1:00 PM - Sustain the Change: Setting Intentions for the Week

2:30 PM - Logging Trail Walk (Depending on how I feel and how cold it is...)

3:30 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Free Time

6:00 PM - Dinner

7:00 PM - Movie Night "Miss Representation"

Happy St. Patty's Day, Everyone!

Oh yeah...

I have added a 'Follow Me' gadget to the side of my blog ----------------->

If you type in your email address, you will get an email when I update my blog.  While I am at GM, I blog daily, so it is easy to know that I have updated.  When I go home, I may not be able to blog daily (or I may not have anything interesting to say!) so if you put your email, you will get an email letting you know when I update.  No pressure, of course.  :0)

Saturday, March 16th

The weekend!  This weekend is nice because I feel like I need a rest after another busy week, but it is also sad because Julia has left.  :0(  Here is a picture of us at the breakfast table.

Julia, Patty, Me, Alyson

The other ladies here have been calling us, "Sisters from another Mister"

The all important passing off of the Tide to those who are staying longer.  (That's Barb in the background)

After Julia left, I went to my room and relaxed for a few hours.  I caught up on my Parks and Recreation watching...very important.  Lunch today was a turkey minestrone; no surprise that it was delicious.  Then Alyson, Patty, Denise, and I hopped in a rental and headed to Weston, VT (about 20 minutes away).  We went to the 'famous' Vermont Country Store and spent probably 2 hours browsing and shopping.  It felt good to be in 'normal' society again!  I got some Maple Balsamic Vinaigrette because we have been eating that here on our salads and it is awesome.  Below is a picture of the sign we saw as we pulled out of the store's parking lot.  I thought it was sweet. 

For two weeks now, we have been hearing about this Priory in Weston, so we decided to check it out.  They were having Vespers at 5:30PM, so we stuck around for that.  It was pretty awesome.  The monks sang some beautiful songs and read a few prayers and one reading in about 20 minutes.  It was just so peaceful.  I really enjoyed it and I am glad we went.

Not a great picture of the grounds, but I thought the light was beautiful.

The building where the service was held.

The visitor's waiting room.  We were in here for about 45 minutes while we waited for Vespers to start.

After the Priory, we headed back to Ludlow and went out to dinner.  Now, I must say that the four of us were quite anxious to have our first meal outside of the Green Mountain Snow Globe (we used to call this our 'bubble' but when it snows, it feels more like we are in a snow globe).  So we all discussed what we were going to order and our strategies and it turned out to be a great meal.  I wanted to follow the Plate Model that we have been learning about here (50% veggies, 25% starch, 25% protein).  I ordered the baked BBQ chicken with steamed broccoli and mashed potatoes.  I mentioned to the ladies that I did not want to eat the warm rolls that they would be bringing out to the table because I thought the potatoes would be more satisfying.  The other three agreed and so when the poor girl brought the bread basket, we all practically yelled at her, "Stop! We don't want any bread!"  It was a liberating moment.

When my food came out, I stopped the urge to dig right in and instead, took the time to make my plate fit into the plate model.  I removed one of the two chicken breast halves and half of my potatoes from my plate onto my unused bread plate.  Then I scraped off any excess BBQ sauce and noted that the amount of broccoli I was given was in fact about 50% of my plate.  Then I began eating mindfully....and it was delicious.  I did leave some potatoes and broccoli on my plate as I was getting full and looking back, I probably could have left a few bites of chicken too.  But listening to my body's queues about when I am full will take time and practice.  But, having removed all of the food from my plate before I started, made it a heck of a lot easier to stop eating.  When I get home, I will be able to save that second half of my meal or share it with Joe, which will be awesome.  (We can't bring food back to GM for obvious reasons.)

Before we even got to the restaurant, the four of us decided that we would get desserts so we wouldn't feel deprived.  We knew it was going to be a challenge.  I ordered cheesecake with strawberries.  You have never seen a table of women eat so mindfully in your life.  Each bite was savored.  We were taught in class that about after 4-5 bites of something, your taste buds stop tasting your food.  This is a queue to stop eating it.  So we really tried to pay attention to this and I actually noticed it!  About 5 bites in, my cheesecake wasn't as good anymore!  So I stopped eating it.  Can you imagine!  It felt amazing to push it aside and say, "I am done eating.  I am full and satisfied."

The four of us then gave each other big high fives because we really felt amazing.  Eating out was a scary thing to think about yesterday and today it feels possible.  We were all thankful we decided to do this together so we could support and talk each other through it.  During the meal I think we all expressed self doubt, guilt, or concern and it was great to talk it out.  We passed our first Real World Eating Like a Normal Person Experience!

Tomorrow will be another easy going day.  I am supposed to get a new roommate.  All of the people who were hear for the Health Professionals week have left (21 people in total left today).  So there are only about 8 of us still here and only about 8 are arriving.  I am looking forward to the small classes again for next week!