I can't believe it's been two months since I began this journey! This morning, I woke up and pulled out the scary scale. Before I hopped on, I repeated to myself, "I am more than a number on the scale. I am more than a number." And then I stepped on....and I wasn't impressed. I had only lost 2.2 pounds! In an entire month! Before I let that number drag me down, I asked myself my prepared questions. "How do I feel aside from this number on the scale? Stronger? Happy? Healthier?" My quick answer to that was, "Yes, I feel stronger, happier, and healthier."
I then quickly got out my measuring tape because if I learned anything from my time at Green Mountain, it was that the measuring tape tends to show a clearer picture of your month. Here is what I found:
Arms - lost 1" in a month for a total of 1.75" over two months
Chest - lost 0" (thankfully) for a total of 1.5"
Waist - lost 3" for a total of 6"
Hips - lost 1" for a total of 3"
Thighs - lost 1" for a total of 1.5"
Overall, I have lost 11.7 pounds and 13.75" over two months! To be honest, the 6" off my waist gets me the most excited. It's the part of my body that I have struggled with the most over my life and the part that experts often say is the hardest part to lose. What a victory!!
After talking with Joe this morning, he has suggested that the number on the scale may not be entirely accurate since I am probably retaining water after yesterday's hike and he has some doubts about our scale. So tomorrow before swimming, I will check my weight at the scale in the locker room, but honestly, I don't care about that number. I care about what the measuring tape has told me and that I need to dig out some of my older, smaller jeans!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
My Hiking Fun
By the time you finish reading this post, you will understand that the title of this post is sarcastic. Apparently, when choosing a hike out of a "Hike Colorado" book, I am much more ambitious then my body is ready for. While I read something along the lines of, "This moderate 4 mile hike (one way) takes you through lovely ponderosa pines and then to breathtaking views of the North Cheyenne Canon from the top." What that is really saying is, "Your first mile will be at a slight elevation through some trees, then you will go straight up a mountain for two miles in the sun to see some rocks and cool views, but you won't notice because you will be dying. Then you will go back down the mountain only to turn around and go back up and down to get back to your car. Bring some water."
When I told Joe about the hike I chose, he asked me if I was sure I wanted to walk 8 miles and I said confidently, "Yeah! I looked at the 'easy' hikes in the book, and I think I would rather do a hike that has a little more of a challenge." Looking back, I now see how naive I am about Colorado hikes. I grew up in Indiana! A moderate hike had some hills here and there, but nothing as consistent as 2 miles straight up.
During the first mile, it was quite nice. We walked through those lovely trees along a babbling creek. We saw cute families and dogs playing in the water. We were in the shade and oohed and ahhed at the pretty scenery.
At about .75 miles, Joe and I encountered a switch back incline and I tackled it without fear! "This isn't too bad," I said to Joe. "We must already be at the Mid Columbine Trail because the book said we would rise for a little at that point!" (We started at the Lower Columbine Trail, went through the Middle Columbine Trail and then up to the Upper Columbine Trail.) Man, if we had a video camera on us, my idiotic statement at that little climb would be in the You Tube hall of fame when the camera watched me climb the ACTUAL Mid Columbine Trail. Before we actually hit the Mid Trail, Joe did some spontaneous rock climbing because we were feeling great!
Near the beginning of the actual Middle Columbine Trail, I took this picture below. Little did I know that that was where we were heading! Up!
I wish I had taken a photo at the actual bottom of the Middle Columbine Trail. I don't think I could have though because my heart stopped when I realized what this 'fun' hike I had chosen actually entailed. So we began to climb. I wasn't going to give up because this hike was my choice, the day was beautiful, and Joe and I were so happy to be outside experiencing new parts of Colorado.
The trail was practically constant switchbacks as it rose and rose and rose up the side of the mountain. I was able to average about one length of a switchback before my polar heart monitor beeped at me that I had gone above my target heart rate and I physically had troubles breathing. Some steep inclines had me stopping probably every 50 feet. My will was there, but my body just wasn't ready yet. At one point I thought back to when my friend Amanda and I went to Greece and we walked up a volcano in Santorini to see the top (the volcano hole? I don't know what that's called). I was about 90 pounds lighter on that trip than I am now, and I remember being able to walk up the volcano easily. As I looked at Joe and the other hikers, I saw that they weren't struggling like I was. I have been active for 2 solid months, but at the end of the day, my extra body weight hinders me from what I want to do. It really emphasized why I am on this journey that I am on. I want to be able to do things without my excess body weight holding me back.
This next photo is after a particularly hard/steep consistent incline. My 'catch my breath' breaks did help me to stop and look around and see the beauty.
When the trail finally leveled out for a little bit and went back into the shade of the trees, I celebrated that I had made it through the ridiculously hard incline! I looked forward to enjoying some flat trails for the rest of the hike. (Oh, I forgot to mention that the hiking book I had made it look like we would go through an incline and then enjoy some flat trails until we reached a waterfall! It or I was wrong in my interpretation.) In the flat part of the trail, we met some locals. See below.
After our visit with the locals, we turned a corner and low and behold, we began to rise again! At this point, it wasn't just my THR and lack of breath that slowed me down, but it was also my legs and feet were beginning to ache. But we kept going. I wanted to see a waterfall! And we thought we could hear it. Surely it was just around the next bend. Right? Wrong. Every bend just brought more switchback inclines. Though, one brought a decline and then another incline, which just seemed to piss me off because that meant I would have to incline again on my reward trip back to the car!
I took this next picture to show just how far we had gone up and looking at it now, I still can't believe that we continued to climb after this point.
After a few flat trails and another incline, I was starting to use some bad language. Literally 50 feet from the top of the mountain/cliff/trail/climb we ran into a man who had passed us going up and then back down. We asked him if we were close to the falls and he said, "Oh no, that's still another two miles away! You are at the top of the climb, but then it goes back down and then the falls are another mile from the base." With tears about to fall from my eyes, I said to Joe, "I hate this!!"
So we climbed the remaining 50 feet to the top and sat down to have our snack and to decide what to do next. The snack of cheese, crackers, and grapes helped to renew some of my energy, but I said to Joe, "If we go down this mountain to see the falls, I will not be able to climb back up it to get back to the car." At this point, we had been hiking for 2.5 hours and we had gone 3 miles (2 of which were up hill/mountain.) We knew there was a visitor center near the falls and a road that led to it, so we actually talked about trying to hitch a ride with someone back to our car, but it was 5PM and we were worried the cars would be few and far between by the time we got down there. (Oh, did I mention that I did my aquatics class BEFORE this hike? Hence the hike later in the day. Also we had driven to Colorado Springs for this hike.) So in the end, we decided to start heading back to the car. Before we began our decent, Joe took this picture of me at the top of the mountain. Though I am trying to smile, you can probably see my exhaustion and hatred of this mountain in my face.
Joe guessed that we could get back down to the car by 6:30PM. The decent was much quicker. I only had to stop a few times when I needed a sip of water or when my shins and toes throbbed from the new movement. When we reached that part when I had to incline again, I took the first steepest part at full speed. Joe told me he was impressed and I told him that I was just ready to be done with this hike. After we passed the point where we saw the deer, I could sense the end, though we were still a good mile and a half away from the car. I knew the steep, consistent, switchback decline was coming. In my mind, that half mile of straight down meant victory was near.
Most of the trail was dirt and loose rocks. We cursed the loose rocks going up the incline, but in going down, Joe pointed out the helpfulness of the really loose parts. If we stepped on a harder surface with few rocks, our feet would slip, but if we dug our heels into the loose rocks, we had more control. A number of times, I used Joe for balance down the steep parts. At one particularly steep decline, I stopped in my tracks, cursed, and said, "I can't do this! I hate this!" Joe simply took my arm and led me to safety. At another time, my foot slipped on the hard surface and rocks and I yelled out, "Effing A!" The decline, though faster, wasn't exactly easier. I was definitely much more tense than I was going up.
Finally, we reached the bottom of the mountain! My prayers to God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, and the Spirit of the Cheyenne Canon had been answered. I made it back to level ground in one piece. We had one more mile to finish before we made it to our car, but my breathing evened out and the promise of more water (because we had run out at this point) in the car kept me going. And finally, at 6:15PM we made it back to the car.
As part of my master plan of the day, I had researched where to eat dinner, so we drove into downtown Colorado Springs for dinner at Poor Richard's. I chose them because they have a reputation for using all organic foods. Joe and I shared a whole wheat crust pizza with peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, and basil. With my side salad with homemade dressing, it was glorious. And since this was my night to eat out for the week, I also got a large peanut butter cookie for dessert.
Now that it is the next day after the hike, how do I feel about the whole trip? Well, my polar heart monitor is telling me that we were on the trail for 3 hours and 48 minutes and I was in target heart rate for 3 hours and 40 minutes. My average THR was 156 (my range is 129-176) and my max THR was 181 and I burned 2136 calories. My body isn't nearly as sore today as I thought it might be. The hike was beautiful and very difficult for me. I am glad I did it and proud of myself for hiking 6 miles and making it to the top. While I don't plan to repeat this hike anytime soon, I look forward to PERHAPS trying it again when my body is more prepared.
I am thankful for the patience of Joe and his constant encouragement and positive attitude. I may not have continued the hike were I with anyone else. He quietly motivates me because I want to keep going for him. He could have gone down to the falls and back easily, but he understood my struggles and without question turned around when I needed too.
We are already talking about what adventure to go on next Monday...so stay tuned.
When I told Joe about the hike I chose, he asked me if I was sure I wanted to walk 8 miles and I said confidently, "Yeah! I looked at the 'easy' hikes in the book, and I think I would rather do a hike that has a little more of a challenge." Looking back, I now see how naive I am about Colorado hikes. I grew up in Indiana! A moderate hike had some hills here and there, but nothing as consistent as 2 miles straight up.
During the first mile, it was quite nice. We walked through those lovely trees along a babbling creek. We saw cute families and dogs playing in the water. We were in the shade and oohed and ahhed at the pretty scenery.
At about .75 miles, Joe and I encountered a switch back incline and I tackled it without fear! "This isn't too bad," I said to Joe. "We must already be at the Mid Columbine Trail because the book said we would rise for a little at that point!" (We started at the Lower Columbine Trail, went through the Middle Columbine Trail and then up to the Upper Columbine Trail.) Man, if we had a video camera on us, my idiotic statement at that little climb would be in the You Tube hall of fame when the camera watched me climb the ACTUAL Mid Columbine Trail. Before we actually hit the Mid Trail, Joe did some spontaneous rock climbing because we were feeling great!
Near the beginning of the actual Middle Columbine Trail, I took this picture below. Little did I know that that was where we were heading! Up!
I wish I had taken a photo at the actual bottom of the Middle Columbine Trail. I don't think I could have though because my heart stopped when I realized what this 'fun' hike I had chosen actually entailed. So we began to climb. I wasn't going to give up because this hike was my choice, the day was beautiful, and Joe and I were so happy to be outside experiencing new parts of Colorado.
The trail was practically constant switchbacks as it rose and rose and rose up the side of the mountain. I was able to average about one length of a switchback before my polar heart monitor beeped at me that I had gone above my target heart rate and I physically had troubles breathing. Some steep inclines had me stopping probably every 50 feet. My will was there, but my body just wasn't ready yet. At one point I thought back to when my friend Amanda and I went to Greece and we walked up a volcano in Santorini to see the top (the volcano hole? I don't know what that's called). I was about 90 pounds lighter on that trip than I am now, and I remember being able to walk up the volcano easily. As I looked at Joe and the other hikers, I saw that they weren't struggling like I was. I have been active for 2 solid months, but at the end of the day, my extra body weight hinders me from what I want to do. It really emphasized why I am on this journey that I am on. I want to be able to do things without my excess body weight holding me back.
This next photo is after a particularly hard/steep consistent incline. My 'catch my breath' breaks did help me to stop and look around and see the beauty.
When the trail finally leveled out for a little bit and went back into the shade of the trees, I celebrated that I had made it through the ridiculously hard incline! I looked forward to enjoying some flat trails for the rest of the hike. (Oh, I forgot to mention that the hiking book I had made it look like we would go through an incline and then enjoy some flat trails until we reached a waterfall! It or I was wrong in my interpretation.) In the flat part of the trail, we met some locals. See below.
After our visit with the locals, we turned a corner and low and behold, we began to rise again! At this point, it wasn't just my THR and lack of breath that slowed me down, but it was also my legs and feet were beginning to ache. But we kept going. I wanted to see a waterfall! And we thought we could hear it. Surely it was just around the next bend. Right? Wrong. Every bend just brought more switchback inclines. Though, one brought a decline and then another incline, which just seemed to piss me off because that meant I would have to incline again on my reward trip back to the car!
I took this next picture to show just how far we had gone up and looking at it now, I still can't believe that we continued to climb after this point.
After a few flat trails and another incline, I was starting to use some bad language. Literally 50 feet from the top of the mountain/cliff/trail/climb we ran into a man who had passed us going up and then back down. We asked him if we were close to the falls and he said, "Oh no, that's still another two miles away! You are at the top of the climb, but then it goes back down and then the falls are another mile from the base." With tears about to fall from my eyes, I said to Joe, "I hate this!!"
So we climbed the remaining 50 feet to the top and sat down to have our snack and to decide what to do next. The snack of cheese, crackers, and grapes helped to renew some of my energy, but I said to Joe, "If we go down this mountain to see the falls, I will not be able to climb back up it to get back to the car." At this point, we had been hiking for 2.5 hours and we had gone 3 miles (2 of which were up hill/mountain.) We knew there was a visitor center near the falls and a road that led to it, so we actually talked about trying to hitch a ride with someone back to our car, but it was 5PM and we were worried the cars would be few and far between by the time we got down there. (Oh, did I mention that I did my aquatics class BEFORE this hike? Hence the hike later in the day. Also we had driven to Colorado Springs for this hike.) So in the end, we decided to start heading back to the car. Before we began our decent, Joe took this picture of me at the top of the mountain. Though I am trying to smile, you can probably see my exhaustion and hatred of this mountain in my face.
Joe guessed that we could get back down to the car by 6:30PM. The decent was much quicker. I only had to stop a few times when I needed a sip of water or when my shins and toes throbbed from the new movement. When we reached that part when I had to incline again, I took the first steepest part at full speed. Joe told me he was impressed and I told him that I was just ready to be done with this hike. After we passed the point where we saw the deer, I could sense the end, though we were still a good mile and a half away from the car. I knew the steep, consistent, switchback decline was coming. In my mind, that half mile of straight down meant victory was near.
Most of the trail was dirt and loose rocks. We cursed the loose rocks going up the incline, but in going down, Joe pointed out the helpfulness of the really loose parts. If we stepped on a harder surface with few rocks, our feet would slip, but if we dug our heels into the loose rocks, we had more control. A number of times, I used Joe for balance down the steep parts. At one particularly steep decline, I stopped in my tracks, cursed, and said, "I can't do this! I hate this!" Joe simply took my arm and led me to safety. At another time, my foot slipped on the hard surface and rocks and I yelled out, "Effing A!" The decline, though faster, wasn't exactly easier. I was definitely much more tense than I was going up.
Finally, we reached the bottom of the mountain! My prayers to God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, and the Spirit of the Cheyenne Canon had been answered. I made it back to level ground in one piece. We had one more mile to finish before we made it to our car, but my breathing evened out and the promise of more water (because we had run out at this point) in the car kept me going. And finally, at 6:15PM we made it back to the car.
As part of my master plan of the day, I had researched where to eat dinner, so we drove into downtown Colorado Springs for dinner at Poor Richard's. I chose them because they have a reputation for using all organic foods. Joe and I shared a whole wheat crust pizza with peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, and basil. With my side salad with homemade dressing, it was glorious. And since this was my night to eat out for the week, I also got a large peanut butter cookie for dessert.
Now that it is the next day after the hike, how do I feel about the whole trip? Well, my polar heart monitor is telling me that we were on the trail for 3 hours and 48 minutes and I was in target heart rate for 3 hours and 40 minutes. My average THR was 156 (my range is 129-176) and my max THR was 181 and I burned 2136 calories. My body isn't nearly as sore today as I thought it might be. The hike was beautiful and very difficult for me. I am glad I did it and proud of myself for hiking 6 miles and making it to the top. While I don't plan to repeat this hike anytime soon, I look forward to PERHAPS trying it again when my body is more prepared.
I am thankful for the patience of Joe and his constant encouragement and positive attitude. I may not have continued the hike were I with anyone else. He quietly motivates me because I want to keep going for him. He could have gone down to the falls and back easily, but he understood my struggles and without question turned around when I needed too.
We are already talking about what adventure to go on next Monday...so stay tuned.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Various Thoughts
1. Thank you for all of the comments on my risotto dramatics. I MAY try it again one day.
2. A number of people have had a hard time commenting on my blog, so I have adjusted the settings for the comments. I hope it is easier and it allows everyone to comment!
3. I had quite a workout yesterday cleaning the apartment and doing 5 loads of laundry! I certainly got my sweat on.
4. I cut my left index finger yesterday with a knife...hazards of cooking all of my own meals. Thankfully I didn't faint and fall into the oven as has happened before in my life. Mom, you'll be happy to know that I had band-aids on site this time. No paper towels and duct tape.
5. I have been cutting back my meat consumption these days and went three days without any meat and I feel really good! I haven't felt deprived or hungry. Today for lunch I made the Healthy Chicken Nuggets and they were very good. I am going to continue to have meat only 2-3 times a week. I've enjoyed finding new non-meat options for lunch and dinner. I'll update the meal plan page with some of the dinners I am going to try this coming week.
6. I had a small nugget of success today when I took a look at myself in the mirror and only had positive thoughts. I've been on this new journey for almost two months and it's nice to know my daily affirmations are making a difference in the way I talk to myself!
7. Joe and I are going for an extended hike tomorrow at the North Cheyenne Canon near Colorado Springs. We are very excited to get out there and see some new beautiful scenery! I hope to have some awesome photos to share tomorrow.
8. I had a delicious spinach/feta/pumpkin seed salad today with raspberry vinaigrette. I suggest you have one yourself.
2. A number of people have had a hard time commenting on my blog, so I have adjusted the settings for the comments. I hope it is easier and it allows everyone to comment!
3. I had quite a workout yesterday cleaning the apartment and doing 5 loads of laundry! I certainly got my sweat on.
4. I cut my left index finger yesterday with a knife...hazards of cooking all of my own meals. Thankfully I didn't faint and fall into the oven as has happened before in my life. Mom, you'll be happy to know that I had band-aids on site this time. No paper towels and duct tape.
5. I have been cutting back my meat consumption these days and went three days without any meat and I feel really good! I haven't felt deprived or hungry. Today for lunch I made the Healthy Chicken Nuggets and they were very good. I am going to continue to have meat only 2-3 times a week. I've enjoyed finding new non-meat options for lunch and dinner. I'll update the meal plan page with some of the dinners I am going to try this coming week.
6. I had a small nugget of success today when I took a look at myself in the mirror and only had positive thoughts. I've been on this new journey for almost two months and it's nice to know my daily affirmations are making a difference in the way I talk to myself!
7. Joe and I are going for an extended hike tomorrow at the North Cheyenne Canon near Colorado Springs. We are very excited to get out there and see some new beautiful scenery! I hope to have some awesome photos to share tomorrow.
8. I had a delicious spinach/feta/pumpkin seed salad today with raspberry vinaigrette. I suggest you have one yourself.
Friday, April 26, 2013
The Risotto Workout
When I woke up this morning, I knew I would be engaging in one, possibly two fitness activities. I did not expect three. The first was my aquatics class in my supersuit, the second was a hike with Joe at Red Rocks for 50 minutes (40 of which I was in THR), and the third was making dinner tonight.
I have been planning to make Butternut Squash Risotto since last week but I had to put it off because of my Florida trip. Though Joe had to work tonight, I thought I would go ahead and make it. O M G it was difficult! First let me show you the two pictures of my meal so you can see how deceiving it is...it looks very simple. (And yes, this glass of wine was necessary after I finished cooking.)
I have been planning to make Butternut Squash Risotto since last week but I had to put it off because of my Florida trip. Though Joe had to work tonight, I thought I would go ahead and make it. O M G it was difficult! First let me show you the two pictures of my meal so you can see how deceiving it is...it looks very simple. (And yes, this glass of wine was necessary after I finished cooking.)
So the first challenge was in the butternut squash itself. Are we positive that humans are meant to eat this plant food? It was so hard to cut into that I wonder how the first person ever got into it enough to know that it was edible! I tried three knives and worked my muscles to the brink cutting that sucker into chucks and peeling it. When I felt I couldn't go any further, I re-read the recipe and saw that I only needed 1 cup of puree, so I gladly stopped hacking into the remainder of the squash. The chunks had to then be boiled and put into a blender to puree. Did you know that not all blenders have a puree mode? I didn't and mine does not. The pieces just kind of sat in the blender looking at me like there was no way in hell they were going to go get pureed. I added a little water and that kind of helped, so I then used a spatula to push the softened chunks closer to the blade. Wouldn't you guess that I pushed that spatula too far and out popped the spatula and a squash chunk that landed too close to comfort to my cat. He wasn't happy.
Once my ordeal with the stupid squash was done, I went on the recipe. I had measured everything out into cute little bowls while the squash was boiling, so I was all set to be like a cooking demo and casually dump all ingredients into the pot. Of course, it couldn't be that easy. Did you know that risotto has to be stirred constantly until it absorbs the broth/puree mixture one ladle full at a time? I didn't. Did you know that process can take 25-30 minutes? I didn't, but my hand sure as heck knows it now! I'm exhausted!
Plus, the recipe said, "SERVE IMMEDIATELY!" Maybe not in those cap letters, but once I finished the process of cooking it, I rushed to the table, got my spinach salad and wine ready, dumped too much dressing on my salad, took my pictures and starting eating it entirely too quickly. Eventually I reminded myself to eat mindfully and I slowed down to enjoy it.
How was it? Good. Worth the effort? Heck no. I think any risotto in my future will have to be artfully crafted for me by someone else. Takers?
My Supersuit!
I have often dreaded the ubiquitous swimsuit. I have despised shopping for them, wearing them, putting them on, realizing I have to go to the bathroom while in one and the challenge that brings, seeing other people look good in theirs, washing them, drying them, thinking about my body parts that will be exposed while wearing one and shaving/lotioning/covering up accordingly.
This is a challenge because I love to swim. I don't know at what point in my life the swimsuit became such work and stress. I'm pretty sure that when I was young, my mom would pull out my swimsuit and I would jump for joy and boy, I couldn't get that thing on fast enough! Because that meant that it was time to swim. I loved going to the pool with my cousins and sisters. We would play so many games and wouldn't stop until it was time to refuel with lunch or our mothers would drag us out because our lips were blue. My grandparent's house in Massachusetts had it all. The pool WITH the diving board. The shallow AND the deep end. Victory was rewarded each summer to whomever could get the penny in the deep end and to whomever had the best, most stylish jump off the diving board. We played Marco Polo, went 'skiing' off the deep end slopes, had jumping competitions, had a mascot in a little boat that we called Baby Georgina...it never ended. We never got bored in that pool.
I believe I was in seventh grade when I attended a pool party at a friend's house and I decided that I needed to wear a t-shirt over my swimsuit. Why? Because I didn't want everyone to see me so exposed as in a swimsuit. A chaperon called me out and made me take off the t-shirt in front of everyone. Now, I don't think anyone made fun of me when I took off that shirt (maybe they did...I don't remember thankfully), but I was exposed and embarrassed. Isn't it amazing how quickly my favorite thing to wear in the whole world became my least favorite? All because of my own self hating? For years after seventh grade, I danced around whether or not I was going to be seen in a swimsuit. I became so self conscious that I stopped engaging in my favorite activity.
A few times in my adulthood was I able to reconnect to my love. Once in college when I took a Swimnastics class for credit and once in my mid to late 20's when I joined a gym to take their water aerobics class. But eventually I graduated college and I lost interest in the class at the gym. I started to make excuses like, "Well, I don't want to get wet." "It takes too long to get there and get into my suit after work." Etc.
While at GM, we were asked to think of an activity that we loved doing as a child. Mine was easy to come up with: Playing in the pool. So while at GM, I tried to go to most of the Aquatics classes and I found my love of the pool once again. And it was down right rude to feel self conscious in my suit there, because everyone at GM felt the same way and if I was to verbalize my self doubt, it would trickle among the group and the next thing you know, no one is swimming. One person's self doubt can lead others to think everyone else is judging them as well.
When I returned to Denver and found my aquatics class that I attend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I really tapped into that love of the pool that my inner child has been begging to feel again. I love it so much that I can't wait to get on my swimsuit once again! I now call it my supersuit because of how strong I feel when I am in it. My arms and legs and core are so strong in the pool that I sometimes feel like I am flying. My heart beats fast, but my breath remains calm in a way it cannot do on land. When my muscles ache, I know I can just let go and relax and let my body float until my muscles recover and are ready for more.
I actually feel like a different person in my supersuit. I feel thinner, happier, stronger, lighter, amazing. And you know what else is exciting? My supersuit seems to be getting a little too big these days...I look forward to buying my next one in the near future. Do you think I can get mine with a cape?
This is a challenge because I love to swim. I don't know at what point in my life the swimsuit became such work and stress. I'm pretty sure that when I was young, my mom would pull out my swimsuit and I would jump for joy and boy, I couldn't get that thing on fast enough! Because that meant that it was time to swim. I loved going to the pool with my cousins and sisters. We would play so many games and wouldn't stop until it was time to refuel with lunch or our mothers would drag us out because our lips were blue. My grandparent's house in Massachusetts had it all. The pool WITH the diving board. The shallow AND the deep end. Victory was rewarded each summer to whomever could get the penny in the deep end and to whomever had the best, most stylish jump off the diving board. We played Marco Polo, went 'skiing' off the deep end slopes, had jumping competitions, had a mascot in a little boat that we called Baby Georgina...it never ended. We never got bored in that pool.
I believe I was in seventh grade when I attended a pool party at a friend's house and I decided that I needed to wear a t-shirt over my swimsuit. Why? Because I didn't want everyone to see me so exposed as in a swimsuit. A chaperon called me out and made me take off the t-shirt in front of everyone. Now, I don't think anyone made fun of me when I took off that shirt (maybe they did...I don't remember thankfully), but I was exposed and embarrassed. Isn't it amazing how quickly my favorite thing to wear in the whole world became my least favorite? All because of my own self hating? For years after seventh grade, I danced around whether or not I was going to be seen in a swimsuit. I became so self conscious that I stopped engaging in my favorite activity.
A few times in my adulthood was I able to reconnect to my love. Once in college when I took a Swimnastics class for credit and once in my mid to late 20's when I joined a gym to take their water aerobics class. But eventually I graduated college and I lost interest in the class at the gym. I started to make excuses like, "Well, I don't want to get wet." "It takes too long to get there and get into my suit after work." Etc.
While at GM, we were asked to think of an activity that we loved doing as a child. Mine was easy to come up with: Playing in the pool. So while at GM, I tried to go to most of the Aquatics classes and I found my love of the pool once again. And it was down right rude to feel self conscious in my suit there, because everyone at GM felt the same way and if I was to verbalize my self doubt, it would trickle among the group and the next thing you know, no one is swimming. One person's self doubt can lead others to think everyone else is judging them as well.
When I returned to Denver and found my aquatics class that I attend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I really tapped into that love of the pool that my inner child has been begging to feel again. I love it so much that I can't wait to get on my swimsuit once again! I now call it my supersuit because of how strong I feel when I am in it. My arms and legs and core are so strong in the pool that I sometimes feel like I am flying. My heart beats fast, but my breath remains calm in a way it cannot do on land. When my muscles ache, I know I can just let go and relax and let my body float until my muscles recover and are ready for more.
I actually feel like a different person in my supersuit. I feel thinner, happier, stronger, lighter, amazing. And you know what else is exciting? My supersuit seems to be getting a little too big these days...I look forward to buying my next one in the near future. Do you think I can get mine with a cape?
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Getting There
I felt a little better today. I woke up early, had my toast and went to get the Colorado plates for my car. Two and a half hours later, I had them.
Back at home I had my pineapple-orange-lime juice and I made chickpea salad for lunch. It is like tuna or chicken salad but with chickpeas instead. I liked it and the mayo just kind of made it taste like chicken salad. I added avocado and tomatoes and put it on crackers. I had my mid-day salad as well and it was pretty filling! Photo below.
Later in the day, Joe and I went on a leisurely stroll in the sunshine. Back at home I made a batch of maple balsamic vinaigrette dressing. It turned out a little too tangy in my opinion, but I can try again later.
Tomorrow morning starts with aquatics, so I will continue to get back to my path! It's certainly closer. More tomorrow.
Back at home I had my pineapple-orange-lime juice and I made chickpea salad for lunch. It is like tuna or chicken salad but with chickpeas instead. I liked it and the mayo just kind of made it taste like chicken salad. I added avocado and tomatoes and put it on crackers. I had my mid-day salad as well and it was pretty filling! Photo below.
Later in the day, Joe and I went on a leisurely stroll in the sunshine. Back at home I made a batch of maple balsamic vinaigrette dressing. It turned out a little too tangy in my opinion, but I can try again later.
Tomorrow morning starts with aquatics, so I will continue to get back to my path! It's certainly closer. More tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Are There Shortcuts Back to My Path?
After two full days of being back to my life after my trip to Florida, I still feel like I am in a fog. I did get up and go to aquatics this morning and I did stick to my organic, real foods today, so why isn't my energy and mood back to where it should be?
Well, for one, the day didn't go as easily as I had hoped it would. Joe and I went to the DMV to get our Colorado licenses and plates. First of all, you can't do both at one location in Denver. It's one or the other. So we went to get our licenses first. Unfortunately because my Indiana license didn't have my full middle name, I had to drive the 40 minute round trip back home to get my passport. What a pain. Not to mention that this all happened roughly around lunch time and my bad mood over the inconvenience of going back home did not help my hungry body. While at home, I had a half turkey sandwich while standing in the kitchen, far from mindfulness, and that was it. I did have some seeds and nuts in my bag, which helped. I missed having my lunch at my table with my big salad.
When Joe and I finally returned home for good, I was just tired, so I took a nap...longer than I had hoped. I was big into naps before I started on my new path, so I don't like being back to this place. For dinner I made beef sliders, potatoes, and salad. I had decided to cut back on our red meat at dinner by cooking it only once every two weeks. Well, now I am ready to cut it back to once a month. I had two sliders, a big salad, and one bite of potato and I feel drained again.
I know it took me a whole month at Green Mountain to get me to where I was before Florida, but is it possible that 4 days away really threw me this off track? The book I am currently reading is "Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth. She has a chapter about our desire to bolt when things get hard. There is a section where she writes, "I don't want to do what I need to do to work with it. I thought I did but now that I'm here I've changed my mind. I'd rather go on another diet, I'd rather pretend that this is all about willpower and eating the right foods."
This section really spoke to me because I was actually having that thought yesterday! Well, I don't want to start over...I'd rather just do a little diet to kick start me back to my path. Once the diet makes me feel better, I will be good again and listen to my body and eat natural foods and so on. Talk about the wrong way of thinking! It's like someone is selling me a map to get back to my path, but that person is scamming me and their map isn't even in the right state. It's amazing how quickly my diet mentality can creep up on me. And why shouldn't it? I've been feeding into it since I was in elementary school.
I guess what I am really trying to say tonight is that I can't hop back onto my path when my detour took me so far away. I do know that I am heading back in the right direction and it won't take me the whole month I had at GM to get there again, but it might take me a couple more days. Until I am there, I am continuing to give myself ridiculously small goals and I am seeing that every moment is a choice. Tomorrow I will continue to eat my organic foods, but will cut out meat for my lunch and/or dinner or both. I have to go to another DMV to get my car's plates, but when I finish, I hope to go for a walk. Even if it is short. It is supposed to be sunny and I think my body is craving that fresh, sunny air.
I hope my fogginess will be lifted soon and I will be back into my stride. I am thankful for small steps because they stop me from just falling down in the mud and quitting on myself. Spring is coming and my shiny path can be seen in the sunlight. It's calling to me. I'm coming!
Well, for one, the day didn't go as easily as I had hoped it would. Joe and I went to the DMV to get our Colorado licenses and plates. First of all, you can't do both at one location in Denver. It's one or the other. So we went to get our licenses first. Unfortunately because my Indiana license didn't have my full middle name, I had to drive the 40 minute round trip back home to get my passport. What a pain. Not to mention that this all happened roughly around lunch time and my bad mood over the inconvenience of going back home did not help my hungry body. While at home, I had a half turkey sandwich while standing in the kitchen, far from mindfulness, and that was it. I did have some seeds and nuts in my bag, which helped. I missed having my lunch at my table with my big salad.
When Joe and I finally returned home for good, I was just tired, so I took a nap...longer than I had hoped. I was big into naps before I started on my new path, so I don't like being back to this place. For dinner I made beef sliders, potatoes, and salad. I had decided to cut back on our red meat at dinner by cooking it only once every two weeks. Well, now I am ready to cut it back to once a month. I had two sliders, a big salad, and one bite of potato and I feel drained again.
I know it took me a whole month at Green Mountain to get me to where I was before Florida, but is it possible that 4 days away really threw me this off track? The book I am currently reading is "Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth. She has a chapter about our desire to bolt when things get hard. There is a section where she writes, "I don't want to do what I need to do to work with it. I thought I did but now that I'm here I've changed my mind. I'd rather go on another diet, I'd rather pretend that this is all about willpower and eating the right foods."
This section really spoke to me because I was actually having that thought yesterday! Well, I don't want to start over...I'd rather just do a little diet to kick start me back to my path. Once the diet makes me feel better, I will be good again and listen to my body and eat natural foods and so on. Talk about the wrong way of thinking! It's like someone is selling me a map to get back to my path, but that person is scamming me and their map isn't even in the right state. It's amazing how quickly my diet mentality can creep up on me. And why shouldn't it? I've been feeding into it since I was in elementary school.
I guess what I am really trying to say tonight is that I can't hop back onto my path when my detour took me so far away. I do know that I am heading back in the right direction and it won't take me the whole month I had at GM to get there again, but it might take me a couple more days. Until I am there, I am continuing to give myself ridiculously small goals and I am seeing that every moment is a choice. Tomorrow I will continue to eat my organic foods, but will cut out meat for my lunch and/or dinner or both. I have to go to another DMV to get my car's plates, but when I finish, I hope to go for a walk. Even if it is short. It is supposed to be sunny and I think my body is craving that fresh, sunny air.
I hope my fogginess will be lifted soon and I will be back into my stride. I am thankful for small steps because they stop me from just falling down in the mud and quitting on myself. Spring is coming and my shiny path can be seen in the sunlight. It's calling to me. I'm coming!
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