A Very Large Road Block

This has been a very hard week for me.  My boyfriend of 6.5 years and I ended our relationship.  The long and short of it is that Joe and I want different things for our future.  For the last 4 years, we have both been very honest about what we want and I think we've both been waiting for the other to bend to the other's will.  In the end, neither was bending and we knew it wasn't fair to either of us to keep waiting or change what we want in life.  This is especially difficult because there is still love between us.  He has been my best friend for 6.5 years and the thought of not seeing him everyday is extremely hard.

Both of us have decided to stay in Denver; I picked up keys to a new apartment today.  While we give each other the space we need to heal, we will also see each other every now and then.  Neither of us think our friendship needs to end just because our romantic relationship has ended.  That makes it a little easier...a little.

Once I am able to move out from under this crushing sadness, I intend to focus on me.  I realize that this is what I have been doing all year, but my results (in terms of body weight and inches lost) have been minimal.  The nutritionist Jon Gabriel follows the logic that a body that does not want to lose weight, will not lose weight.  He talks about finding out why your body is fighting you and why it thinks it needs to remain fat.  He said that any type of stress on the system can make your body think that it is preparing for a famine and it needs to stock up and save fat, but the famine never comes.  For months, I have been wracking my brain because I felt as though my stresses were behind me.  My crazy, stressful King Tut job was over and I have been working part time with plenty of time to eat right and work out.

I now realize that my body has been trying to tell me something.  In the past few months while I have been stagnate on the weight loss front, Joe has been experiencing hives, insomnia, and loss of appetite.  We have came to a point where we couldn't deny what we wanted any longer and our bodies were screaming at us to deal with our stress.  It clicked in me that our stresses were unfortunately each other.

I am going to allow myself time to grieve, move out, celebrate the holidays with friends, and then I am going to try again on everything I've learned this year.  I will distract myself from being sad with eating right and upping my workout plan.  Part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and eat chocolate chip cookies the rest of my life, but I now know what it feels like to eat well and workout regularly and I prefer that healthy feeling to the lazy cookie monster feeling, which I also know far too well.

I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.  I know the fog will lift one day...it will just take some time.