Willpower

I've been thinking about the word 'willpower' for some time now.  I have used this word many times in my life as an excuse for why I have acted a certain way, failed to do some activity or eaten a certain 'bad' food.  I have come to the conclusion that I have been abusing this word for years.

Willpower can refer to self-discipline, which is the control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for the purpose of personal improvement.  Or it can refer to self-control, which is the ability to exert ones will over the inhibitions of one's body or self.

For years, I have been on the 'diet' roller coaster.  Each new diet began with hope and success which was quickly followed by failure and disappointment.  Since I have been on my new path one theme keeps jumping out at me in the books I am reading.  Diets don't work.  There is a reason I was often met with disappointment.  I was setting my body up for failure by depriving it of foods, nutrients, and whatever else some diet told me to cut out.  Deprivation would throw my body into freak out mode that would cause it to say, "Hey!  What's going on?  We better store everything she is eating and make her really hungry so we can get more nutrients!"  Or "Beth isn't giving us the right fuel, so let's make her really tired so she doesn't abuse us at that exercise class again."

Meanwhile, I was beating myself up saying, "I can't believe I am so hungry!  I just have to eat that ...  I have NO willpower!  I'm a horrible person."  Or "I just don't have the willpower to get out of bed to go to that aerobics class that I hate.  What's wrong with me?"  "Why can't I have better willpower like so and so?"  I was sure that I was a failure because I had no self-discipline, but really, I can see now that it wasn't my fault.  Diets don't work.  My body wouldn't allow me to succeed at those diets.  It had nothing to do with my willpower.

Now that I understand what diets can do to my body and my willpower, I am beginning to see that I don't need self-discipline to live a healthy life along my new path!  Can you believe it?  I don't have to force myself to order organic, all natural plant foods.  I want them!  I don't have to force myself to try new recipes.  I enjoy cooking!  I don't have to force myself to eat more fruits and veggies.  They are delicious and my body is craving them!  I don't have to force myself to go exercise.  I love my aquatics class and I love to swim and be in the pool!  I don't have to force myself to go for a walk.  I love and need the sunshine on my face!  I don't have to deprive body of any foods.  I can have whatever I want whenever I want it!  Willpower in the form of self-discipline is dead to me.

Willpower in the form of self-control on the other hand, is alive and well.  My hiking adventure with Joe on Monday showed me that.  My body did not want to go up that mountain.  My heart rate, breath, and sore legs told me that.  But I exerted my self-control over what my body was telling me and forced it up that mountain.  Not because some diet told me to do it, but because I actually wanted to do it!  Who would have guessed that I would WANT to do that.  And let's be honest, as you learned from my previous post, the hike was more than I thought it would be, so it was actually more than I wanted.  But once I began the hike, I was sure as heck going to make it to the top of that mountain whether my body joined me or not.

On Wednesday morning, I did not go to my aquatics class.  That morning it just didn't sound like fun.  My first thought was to damn my willpower of self-discipline and to wallow in self pity and feel guilty for my decision.  But as I look back on the morning, I now realize that my body wasn't going to let me enjoy that class even if I went.  It was still exhausted and trying to recover from the 6 mile hike on Monday and the 2.4 mile walk to Whole Foods and back on Tuesday.  My body needed that rest and so I listened to it and gave it what it needed.

So here is my conclusion:  If you find yourself struggling with your willpower of self-discipline, then you aren't doing the right things.  Your body is trying to tell you something, so stop beating yourself up and listen to it.  Only use the word willpower if it is in relation to something you deep down want to do.  When YOU want to exert will over YOUR body.