A Month of Ebb and Flow

Now that I am in the third month of my journey, I have noticed a very specific pattern in myself.  One week out of the month (usually around the second week of the month) I go into a funk.  Both mentally and physically.  During this funk, I feel like I am in a fog and I don't want to do anything but sit on the couch and read.  My carb intake increases, my energy decreases, and though I am still eating natural, organic foods, they just aren't as good.

It is during this week that I also notice that I don't feel as good about my body.  I have more negative thoughts and parts of my body that seemed to be improving the week before now seem back to where they were before I started, which, of course, makes me mad.  I start to question my journey and feel like nothing I do will ever help me to get to a healthy weight.  I hear that voice in my head that says, "You're kidding yourself.  You will never be able to sustain your new journey.  Doesn't McDonalds sound good?  Just give up now so we can go back to being a happy fat person."

I try to combat these feelings and thoughts by re-watching my favorite documentaries, reading inspiring books and ignoring my apparent cravings for foods that I had completely written off only a month ago.  But nothing seems to help.  I know if I got up and moved my body I would feel a world of difference, but I just won't do it.  I want to be left alone in my solitude and bad thoughts.  Now, I should point out (as some of you may have concluded by now) that this week directly corresponds to 'that time of the month' for me.  During this week, I feel like my funk will never end and I should just start sleeping through the days completely.

And then a magical thing happens.  The fog lifts, the bad thoughts dissipate, I am eager to move my body, and my food regains it's delicious taste.  It isn't as quick as a switch, but it is slower...I can feel the change happening in a 24 hour period.  Then the next day I am excited again about putting on my super suit and going to aquatics or going for a walk outside with Joe or having my freshly made juice.  I remember why I have decided not to eat GMO foods, refined sugar, and fast food and stop craving them.  I look forward to cooking and eating healthy, fresh, real foods.  The world is right again and I have hopped back onto my path.

I think this realization of my natural pattern is really important for a few reasons.  One, I have to learn to forgive myself of this fog and be prepared to hear those bad thoughts.  To remind myself that I will make it through okay and since I am not on a 'diet' whatever happens that week is OKAY.  Two, it is a reminder of why I don't weigh myself every day or every week.  My body is obviously in a high fluctuation period, so why upset myself when I know the scale or measuring tape will not say what I want it to say.  Three, I will not be in love with my new path every minute of everyday, but I will find that love again in due time.  Patience is key (something I have struggled with my whole life).  And four, when I began this journey, I knew it would take me a long time to get to a place where I feel completely healthy and happy with my body, so once that week is over, I can be comforted in that thought once again.