Have Food Will Travel

I have been hanging out in Indianapolis for a couple of days now and finally have a free moment to update you on my travels thus far.

Joe and I hit the road early Sunday morning for the 16 hour drive.  I had gone to Whole Foods the day before and stocked up on groceries for the trip.  I am glad I did.  We had breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks in the car and everything was much better than anything we could have eaten at a fast food joint or gas station.  I made turkey and cheese sandwiches, PB & J, we had cheese and crackers, grapes, carrots, and awesome Whole Foods cookies.

About four hours into the trip, Joe and I were feeling good driving in the sunshine and feeling state-riotic listening the John Mellencamp, a fellow Hoosier, when we stopped to switch drivers and fill up on gas.  Next to the gas station was a Dairy Queen and Joe asked if I wanted to get an ice cream or shake to help welcome in the unofficial start to the summer.  I did and it was great.  He got a small Cherry Shake and I got a small dipped cone.  Very delicious and a great way to start summer.  The rest of our food from the day came from our stash and it saved us on having to stop often. 

Since we have arrived in Indy, I can't say that my eating has been as good as it was in the car.  Most meals are eaten with new groups of friends and family and most meals don't see many fruits and veggies.  Mostly I have been doing pretty well, but yesterday I made a mistake.  Joe and I met his friend, Steve, and Steve's parents at Maxine's Chicken and Waffles.  Maxine's is known for...you guessed...fried chicken and waffles.  One of my favorite things to eat in my 'old' life was chicken tenders and since I was in the best place in town to get fried chicken, I thought I'd I get them.  The problem being that I haven't eaten fried food in 3 months and well...the two chicken tenders I ate did not sit well in my stomach.  I was in pain for a few good hours after lunch.  I realize now that I let my old brain make that lunch decision and I really should have let me new brain make it.  Honestly a waffle would have sat much better.

It's just a reminder that our minds are often the last and hardest things to change.  At home in Denver, I have adapted my new eating habits to my life.  I feel pretty good about making the right decisions.  But coming back to my hometown I am faced with a number of restaurants I ate at years ago and I have favorite things and I tend to make decisions about my eating with thinking too much about them.  I still have a long way to go and hope to be able to make some better decisions as the week goes on.  Wish me luck!

Three Month Photos

This morning I looked at the clock at 8:15AM and said to myself, "I don't think I want to go to aquatics today."  So I rolled over and fell back asleep.  At 8:45AM I looked at the clock again and said to myself, "I don't want to go to aquatics today...I'm tired."  Then after a second or two, I found myself saying, "Okay, okay...I'm awake.  Why don't I want to go?  I am going out of town for over a week and will miss 4 class, so they might think I have quit.  But I don't have time to make my toast.  Oh, but I could have one of those blueberry muffins I made last night...that should hold me over."  So I rolled my butt out of bed and went to class.  It was a fun class and I'm glad I went.  I really need to put a sign by my bed that says, "I have never regretting going to aquatics."  Because it is true and it is the bed that I need that reminder the most.

While in class, Ryan, the instructor, asked me, "So how much weight have you lost?"  It kind of threw me off because I didn't think people could really see a difference yet, but I was happy he noticed!  He told me to keep up the good work and if I stopped coming to class then he would track me down.  So I was happy to inform him of my trip so he doesn't get mad when I don't show up for a week.

When I told him my new weight, it reminded me that I should post a side by side picture of myself three months into my journey.  This is down 19 pounds and 17.75".  I know the dark blue dress I am wearing at first isn't the best and it is harder to compare, but I think I can see the difference.  One difference that really sticks out to me is my eyes.  I look so exhausted in the first picture!  And that just reminds me that that is how I felt ALL THE TIME.  Now I only feel exhausted when I work out or have a busy day cooking and hiking and whatnot.  I know what makes me exhausted.  Before it was this unknown cause that I now know was my food that made me so tired.  So progress is being made...makes me excited to keep going!

Month Three Check-in

Okay, so this check in is about a week early, but I wanted to get it in before I head out of town next week.  While Joe and I plan to bring our own lunches and snacks for the two day drive to Indy, we know that the week will be full of food that doesn't quite fit into our eating organic lifestyle.  And I am okay with that because I can't wait to go to some of my favorite Indy restaurants and hang out with my friends and family!

So anyway...down to my weigh in and measurements:

Weight - lost 7.3 pounds this month
Arms - lost 0"
Chest - lost 1"
Waist - lost 1"
Hips - lost 2"
Thighs - lost 0"

So in the three months I have begun this journey, I have lost 19 pounds and 17.75" off my body!  I can't believe it!  I was feeling like I wasn't doing great this month, and if you compare my inches lost in previous months, I guess that is true, but once again I have to look at the big picture.  My weight and inches are going down and I feel great.  I feel strong, happy, and healthy.  What more could I possibly ask for?

Vermonting in Colorado

While I haven't come up with any brilliant ideas yet on how to make my basic strength training more exciting, I have found other non-traditional ways to fit it in my daily life. Monday's aquatics was very much strength based this week and we focused a lot on our arms and abs.  It was nice to have the class mixed up a little and to get those exercises in that way.

Yesterday, Joe and I drove up to Estes Park and into the Rocky Mountain National Park.  We had picked out a short round trip two mile walk out to a waterfall and back.  Once again, my perception of what the hike would be was much different than what it actually turned out to be.  Joe and I walk a lot in Denver and often go to places that are about a mile from our apartment and the 2 mile round trip walk feels like nothing special.  I knew this walk would be more mountainy than our walks downtown, but I did not expect snow.  Yup.  Snow.

While it was kind of cool to walk on the snow at first, it was a bit difficult as well.  Parts of it was very slushy and slippery, other parts were deep and your foot would sink into it, and I would say it covered about 80% of our hike up the mountain.  I did find that because I was so concerned about my footing, that I hardly noticed I was walking up hill the whole time.  It wouldn't be until we reached the end of a snow bank that I would realize that I was breathing heavily.  Plus, the incline was nothing compared to the incline we hiked a few weeks ago at Cheyenne Canon.

I did feel that going up the snow was easier than going down because I was able to get more secure footing.  Anyone who knows me well knows my fear of slipping on ice, so I was thankful that I managed to stay on two feet the whole time.  While I did slip a little here and there, especially on the hike back down, it helped me to work on my core and balance.  There were a lot of 'whoas' and arms out kind of moves to keep me upright.  Only once did my ankle twist in a way that didn't feel right, but thankfully I was able to walk it off and it feels fine this morning.

This hike definitely reminded me of my time in Green Mountain as it was constantly snowing in Vermont and we often would hike on the snow.  I was happy to have had that experience so I knew I could handle this hike as well.  I do feel like my legs got a much better workout than I was expecting as well because walking on the melting snow was similar to walking on sand.  Each step took a little more effort and my quads could feel it.

All in all, though hiking in snow wasn't ideal, it was completely worth it.  The scenery was totally worth it and the waterfall was beautiful.  I look forward to hiking this trail again when the snow is gone and compare it to yesterday's hike.

Our friend, Stanley Muzzleton V

The Alberta Waterfall

A snowy guy we met on the trail

Look at how beautiful the sky was at 9450 feet up!

Strength Training Week: Day 2

In my effort to include more strength into my everyday life, I woke up this morning with a new found energy.  First of all, I know how important it is to rest between strength days, so this morning I decided to focus on strength and flexibility.

Two months ago, I bought a book on pilates moves and today I finally opened it.  I got my mat out and did the seven 'modified beginners' moves.  Now, I likely did modified-modified moves because I haven't tried pilates since I left GM, but I felt pretty good about it.  Then I decided to add in some ab moves and wall push ups.

Tomorrow I will go back to the basic strength training moves, but I am trying to brainstorm ways to make it more exciting.  The reason I don't like doing ST most of the time is because I find it boring.  I have tried watching movies while I do it, but often I just get upset that I have missed part of the movie.  So if you have any brilliant ideas on how to make ST more exciting, please let me know!  And hopefully I will have some words of wisdom for you tomorrow.

Strength Training

Before I left Green Mountain, I was given this advice from LynAnn, the fitness guru:

1. Do NOT stop strength training.
2. Cardio burns fat and makes your heart healthy and strong.
3. Stretch until your face falls off.

Well...I haven't been great at following these keys to success.  I have been doing my cardio in the form of aquatics and hikes with Joe and I have been stretching during aquatics classes....but I have totally neglected my strength training.  True that I have been strengthening my muscles in the pool and on my hikes, but I haven't concentrated on my various muscles.  And let's be honest, I really should be stretching way more.  My face is still intact.

I don't know what my mental block about strength training is, but I just never want to do it.  While at GM, I enjoyed it because I loved how strong it made me feel and I could do it well without having to lose my breath completely.  Is is possible that I just don't think it is worth it because I am not losing my breath?  It's not 'exercise' as is described in my mind (move until you want to pass out), so why waste the energy?  I don't think I actually believe that, but I certainly haven't made it an important part of my week.

The truth is, I like the way I feel after I complete my strength training.  Maybe I should be focusing more on what the end result could be with a few good months of strength?  Because really, I can eat better and do my cardio to lose weight, but if I am not strengthening my muscles, then I will likely have flabby skin and saggy muscles at the end of the day.  And how would that inspire me to keep going?

Yesterday I walked the steps at Red Rocks and did wall push ups on the planters.  Today, I went for a two mile walk AND I did my strength training.  Another step in the right direction.  This week, I will focus on my strength training.

A Month of Ebb and Flow

Now that I am in the third month of my journey, I have noticed a very specific pattern in myself.  One week out of the month (usually around the second week of the month) I go into a funk.  Both mentally and physically.  During this funk, I feel like I am in a fog and I don't want to do anything but sit on the couch and read.  My carb intake increases, my energy decreases, and though I am still eating natural, organic foods, they just aren't as good.

It is during this week that I also notice that I don't feel as good about my body.  I have more negative thoughts and parts of my body that seemed to be improving the week before now seem back to where they were before I started, which, of course, makes me mad.  I start to question my journey and feel like nothing I do will ever help me to get to a healthy weight.  I hear that voice in my head that says, "You're kidding yourself.  You will never be able to sustain your new journey.  Doesn't McDonalds sound good?  Just give up now so we can go back to being a happy fat person."

I try to combat these feelings and thoughts by re-watching my favorite documentaries, reading inspiring books and ignoring my apparent cravings for foods that I had completely written off only a month ago.  But nothing seems to help.  I know if I got up and moved my body I would feel a world of difference, but I just won't do it.  I want to be left alone in my solitude and bad thoughts.  Now, I should point out (as some of you may have concluded by now) that this week directly corresponds to 'that time of the month' for me.  During this week, I feel like my funk will never end and I should just start sleeping through the days completely.

And then a magical thing happens.  The fog lifts, the bad thoughts dissipate, I am eager to move my body, and my food regains it's delicious taste.  It isn't as quick as a switch, but it is slower...I can feel the change happening in a 24 hour period.  Then the next day I am excited again about putting on my super suit and going to aquatics or going for a walk outside with Joe or having my freshly made juice.  I remember why I have decided not to eat GMO foods, refined sugar, and fast food and stop craving them.  I look forward to cooking and eating healthy, fresh, real foods.  The world is right again and I have hopped back onto my path.

I think this realization of my natural pattern is really important for a few reasons.  One, I have to learn to forgive myself of this fog and be prepared to hear those bad thoughts.  To remind myself that I will make it through okay and since I am not on a 'diet' whatever happens that week is OKAY.  Two, it is a reminder of why I don't weigh myself every day or every week.  My body is obviously in a high fluctuation period, so why upset myself when I know the scale or measuring tape will not say what I want it to say.  Three, I will not be in love with my new path every minute of everyday, but I will find that love again in due time.  Patience is key (something I have struggled with my whole life).  And four, when I began this journey, I knew it would take me a long time to get to a place where I feel completely healthy and happy with my body, so once that week is over, I can be comforted in that thought once again.

Homemade Pad Thai

I have really enjoyed branching out in the kitchen these last few months.  Creating my meal plans, ordering groceries online, and creating a shopping list for the few other items takes a lot of time.  But I am thankful every week that I have planned ahead.

Last night I tried my first Chicken Pad Thai and Edamame.  I didn't quite prepare it as I should have and it left me a little stressed, but in the end it was super delicious.  Plus it didn't have that 'sit in your stomach' greasy thing that Pad Thai usually has.  Here is a picture of it, so yummy.

Oh, I should mention that I got this recipe from a cookbook that Joe got from his friend Steve called, "How to Cook Everything: Basics".  Pretty cool cookbook!

A Red Rocks Workout

Today was quite active, which was nice because I was in a funk last week and didn't feel much like getting off the couch.  So this morning I got my groggy butt out of bed and managed to make it to aquatics.  My effort began slow in the pool, but as we got moving a little more I felt my energy creep back up.  By the end, Dave, the instructor decided to try some new tricks on us young ones in the class.  He put a stool in the pool that we had to step up on with each leg for 30 seconds and then we would throw us an eight pound medicine ball and we had to throw it back up at him.  It was tough!  But such a good end to the workout.  I felt great.

Then Joe and I decided to head up to Red Rocks for the afternoon to walk the stairs.  Now if you have never been to Red Rocks, let me show you a picture of the 'stairs'.

They are crazy!  You can see the bench rows in the picture and they are each two steps high.  So we parked at the top of the amphitheater and started our workout.  Joe was crazy and sprinted up the benches from bottom to top!  I walked down to the bottom and then would walk up 6 steps (3 bench rows) and would walk all the way across the bench row, walk up six more steps and back across the bench row.  I zig zagged all the up to the top in about 35 minutes.  It was great!  Because I only walked up 6 steps at a time, I didn't get out of breath, but I remained in THR the whole time.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful setting.  I'm looking forward to doing it again!

Also, the best part of working out there is watching the other people work out.  They are so inspiring!  There are people who can sprint up the benches (like Joe), others sprint up and down the stairs, while others leap over the planters that are practically taller than me.  It's crazy what people can do!  I will never get as crazy as them, but it inspires me to go back and do my own workout.

Slim 4 Life: A book review

I have just finished reading, "Slim 4 Life: Freedom from the Food Trap" by Jason Vale.  This book was fantastic.  Jason has a great way of putting things that make the material both entertaining and enlightening.  He really goes in depth into many aspects of the modern diet and how different things effect us in different ways.  Plus, he is British, so there are some fun British curses and sayings.

I could go into so much about this book.  I highlighted over 70 sentences or paragraphs that popped out at me and made me say, "Of course!" or "I don't believe how much sense this makes!" or "See, it hasn't all been my fault! I've feel victim to the food trap!"  At the end of the book, Jason talks about his recipe for success and it also revolves a lot around juicing, but it also simply asks you to read the whole book and make decisions for yourself on how you truly feel about what he calls drug foods and junk foods.

Like all of my mentors these days, he promotes a No Diet lifestyle and believes if you take the time to learn about the drug foods and drinks, then you will want to cut them out of your life and once you are feeding your body the proper real, live foods, then you won't crave or desire the drug foods or drink.

A classic example of this comes from my own experiences.  For years I was addicted to Diet Coke.  I would have 1-3 cans of it at work and whenever I could, I would get a large 24 ounce fountain Diet Coke...because fountain is the best.  (Screw the bottle...it was never as good.)  During the most prominent years of my addiction, I was on the road with King Tut.  King Tut was an amazing opportunity.  I loved the job and I dealt with it's stressful times.  Moving from city to city was definitely stressful and my constant companion was Diet Coke.  Where ever my desk landed, the Diet Coke was there to make it all seem comfortable and familiar.  It was during these 2.5 years on the road with Diet Coke that I also experienced frequent head aches, migraines, heart palpitations, depression, and severe carbohydrate cravings.  Each symptom made me think, "Hm...I must need another Diet Coke!  I must not have had enough today because I have a head ache (or cravings, depression, etc.)"  Plus, I assumed those symptoms were from the stressful job!

It got to the point where I was grabbing for the Diet Coke with resentment.  To be honest, the idea of having a Diet Coke before noon, even back then in the height of my addiction, sounded disgusting.  I would grab a can from the mini fridge in the office and the smell of the can would make me cringe.  But I had to drink it if I wanted my symptoms to go away.

Then two Easters ago, I gave up Diet Coke for lent and I have never turned back.  I haven't had one sip since.  Why?  Because after 40 days, I rid myself of my addiction and I felt great!  The fog had been lifted, my migraines stopped and my heart palpitations stopped!  Like a smoker who is finally able to ween themselves off of nicotine, once the bad thing is free to finally leave your system, you no longer need it to 'keep you going'.

After reading the Diet Coke chapter in Jason Vale's book, I now know that those symptoms were a product of Aspartame.  A drug that took 16 years to be approved by the FDA and was only after the head of the FDA was fired and a new 'Aspartame Friendly' man was awarded the job.  I wonder what kind of bonus he received from the maker of aspartame, Searle, at the time...

So back to the book.  There are so many chapters like the Diet Coke one that is really eye opening.  There are some things discussed that I plan to stop (or have stopped) using (because it's a drug food) altogether (aspartame, white refined sugar) and there are other junk foods (not habitual, but not great for you either) that I understand where he is coming from, but I plan to still include in my diet.  For example, cheese.  At this moment in my life, the feta on my spinach salad is heavenly and if I can't have the feta which makes me not want the spinach, well you choose your battles.

I can't recommend this book enough to anyone who feels trapped by food.  There are so many reasons that don't include 'willpower' for your struggles.  If you are fed up and ready to be shown the light, read this book.

The First Steps Are the Hardest

It's really easy for me to spout off affirmations or inspirational quotes to my GM friends when they feel they aren't being true to their Green Mountain selves.  I can say things like, "Something is better than NOTHING!"  "Make ridiculously small goals for yourself today."  "Even a 15 minute walk will make you feel refreshed!"

Some days I need to heed my own advice.  On days when I don't have aquatics I feel like I just have a vacation day to do nothing.  Meanwhile, I have been neglecting my strength training and my need for fresh air.

Today was mostly filled with thunderstorms and heavy rain and I was quite enjoying my lazy time on the couch.  Aquatics yesterday and tomorrow...I'm cool on the couch today.  When Joe came home from work the sun had emerged and there were a couple hours of sunshine left.  He asked if I wanted to go for a walk and I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and said, "It's kind of cold...."

I then popped onto Facebook and read about my GM friend's successes of getting off their butts and just moving a little bit and how much better they felt.  I realized that I was giving them good advice that I wasn't following myself, so I called out to Joe and said that I did want to go for a walk.  By that time he had put on his comfy clothes and looked ready to relax.  But he agreed that a walk would be better so we stepped outside and agreed to walk for at least 15 minutes.  The next thing we knew, we had been out for an hour and we felt great.  It's amazing how much movement, sun and fresh air effect mood and happiness.

My friend, Denise, reminded me that it's the first few steps that are the hardest.  They are the ones that are most clouded by our mind and our unwillingness.  Like walking through water, those first steps feel impossible.  But once you get the hang of it, you find your stride.

"I have never regretted going for a walk."

I wanted to include a photo of my new addiction.  Spinach, feta, pumpkin seeds, raspberry vinaigrette. 

International No Diet Day

Yesterday was international no diet day and there was a post on the Green Mountain Facebook page that said, "I’m not dieting, I’m just trying to eat healthy by watching what I’m eating."  Stating that even that thought is full of diet mentality.  This has really got me thinking.  

A true 'no diet' is listening to your body's cues for hunger and satisfaction and eating whatever you want.  Here is my problem with the 'eat whatever you want' part of the no diet plan.  I am addicted to white refined sugar.  I am addicted to it in the form of cookies, cakes and candy, but also in the form of bread, rolls, biscuits.  Anything that can come from a bakery.  Also, sugar is often found in most processed foods, so even if I thought I was avoiding it, I wasn't.  In my recent readings, I have become so much more aware of what it means to be addicted to white refined sugar and the way my body reacts isn't much different than how a body reacts to nicotine or a harder drug.

When we eat refined sugar, it goes immediately into the blood stream.  This is different than if we eat a piece of fruit.  The fruit goes to the stomach first and our body breaks it down and puts the fructose to work where it needs to be in our bodies.  When we eat refined sugar, the sugar goes immediately to our blood stream and gives us the sugar high.  The rest of the food (the carb of the cookie or whatever) goes to the stomach and our bodies aren't sure what to do with it.  It can't break the food down normally so it breaks it down and stores it in our fat cells.  This is when insulin comes into play because insulin is there to help break it down.  But insulin is the fat producing hormone.

Once our bodies get the food into the fat cells and the insulin has done their job, we begin to feel empty or 'hungry' because the process is over.  So in a day, I could have a bagel for breakfast and as soon as my body has finished processing that, I would have a sugary granola bar.  When that was processed, I would have a sandwich with processed meat and cheese.  When that was done, I would have a cookie.  Then for dinner some kind of processed meat and bread and maybe then a vegetable.  By the time I went to bed, my body had been producing fat cells for 16-18 hours.  When I woke up the next morning, I had a headache that could only be cured by more breads and sweets.  It's a never ending cycle....an addiction to white refined sugar.

So now back to the original topic at hand.  If I were being a true 'no dieter' then wouldn't I be eating all of those carbs and sweets?  Well, I have come to realize that my time at Green Mountain helped me to quit my addiction and I don't really want to get back up on THAT wagon.  Also, with all of the reading I have been doing about processed foods and GMO's, I really have no desire to eat anything but organic foods.  I still eat sweets, but I choose to eat the ones with organic cane sugar or I have one sweet while I am out to eat with Joe and don't have more options at home to feed my addiction.

While I am eating healthier, I still like to think I am leading a 'No Diet' lifestyle.  For me, the no diet is a little harder than others simply because of my addiction.  Like an alcoholic, I don't trust myself around processed foods and white refined sugar, so it's easier to just stay away.  Unlike an alcoholic, I do trust myself to have a cupcake every now and then because total deprivation will lead to my desire to have it and an eventual binge.  I may be contradicting myself there, but I think for me, it's all about what I buy and stock at home.  

I enjoy eating organic, natural foods.  They taste better to me than the processed foods I was eating.  Thinking back on some of the fast foods and questionable meats I was eating actually makes my stomach churn a little.  And to be honest, now that I have cut way back on my meat intake, the days I do have some kind of meat, my stomach tends to hurt immediately afterwards.  So what is my body trying to say then?  Cut it out completely?  I don't know.  I am not willing to give myself any certain rules like that because again, I don't want to feel deprived of anything.  I just know that when I have two options in front of me, like chicken or portabello mushroom fajitas, these days I am leaning toward the vegetarian option because I know I will physically feel better after the fact.

So yes, I am eating healthier, but I don't think it is because I am 'watching what I eat'.  I honestly think that I have been able to rebrand myself and different foods are simply more desirable.  At times when I hear the siren call of the white refined sugars, I satisfy it with my organic candies and breads that I have at home.  I have prepared myself for those moments and instead of relying on my 'willpower' (which as you recall, I believe is a myth),  I have options to choose from that don't make me feel deprived.  Some days I feel guilty at first for eating a sweet when my body isn't genuinely hungry, but in the end I feel grateful for my 'no diet' lifestyle and I am able to let it go.   

Cinco de Mayo!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo, everyone!  

Any and all holidays in the Diet Mentality Era of Beth Crawford's life were good excuses to let loose and break the 'rules'.  Now in the Post-Diet Mentality Era, I can celebrate how I want while still making good decisions.  Because you know what?  I don't need to cram it all in before the next diet starts.  I don't have to think, "Well, I better drink 10 margaritas and have 16 cheese enchiladas, and a bazillion sopapillas because after tomorrow, I will be on a diet and will never have those things EVER AGAIN!"  

Man does it feel good to be free.  Today I went for a walk to Whole Foods for lunch, which is 2.4 miles round trip, and had a spinach salad, part of a cup of soup (I got full) and some freshly made fruit juice (ran out of ingredients at home).  It was great.  Everything was delicious and the walk there and back was very nice.  A little chilly, but mountain-less and calm.  When I went to the back of the store, I noticed a sign for cupcakes, so I wandered over and decided to get an organic chocolate cupcake.  I wasn't hungry for it just then, so I walked it back home with me.  After an hour or so, I had that cupcake and it was delightful.

When Joe got home from work, we walked to this really awesome bicycle shop about a mile away to pick up his bike that was being tuned up and then we talked 1.5 miles in the other direction to go have dinner at a Mexican restaurant.  By the time we go home, I had walked 5.4 miles.  And I feel great!

For dinner at the restaurant, I had a strawberry margarita and portabella mushroom fajitas.  So delicious.  The waiter forgot to bring us chips and salsa and I was glad he did.  I would have eaten WAY too many and wouldn't have been able to enjoy my awesome fajitas as well as I did.  

A year ago, this day would have been different.  I would have driven to McDonalds or another fast food restaurant for lunch and then I wouldn't have wanted to walk with Joe ALL the way to the bike shop and to dinner.  I may have still had a cupcake at some point in the day but would have felt really guilty about it all day.  And for dinner I probably would have had two margaritas, chicken fajitas, and a whole heap of chips and salsa.  I would have been way more stuffed and would have driven home and been miserable and guilty.  Currently, I feel a little too full, but nothing like I would have experienced in the past.  Plus the half mile walk home, though a little chilly, was a nice way to help digest.  

Joe and I are now back home getting ready to relax on the couch and watch some Netflix.  Life is good. Muy bueno.

Clean: Part of a Book Review

I started reading, "Clean: The Revolutionary Program to Restore the Body's Natural Ability to Heal Itself" by Dr. Alejandro Junger.  He was another expert from "Hungry for Change" and while I knew his book was about a detox program that I wasn't planning to do, I thought I would read the book and see what he had to say.  I didn't exactly finish the book because of my plan not to detox, but I think I got what I needed out of it for now.

First of all....EVERYTHING IS TOXIC!  OMG.  I was already pretty comfortable with the idea of organic, live foods and staying away from GMO's, foods with pesticides, grain fed animals, and so forth, but it goes way beyond the food we eat.  He talked about toxins in our environments, our tap water, our lotions and shampoos, our clothes, our carpets, cars, air, rain, etc etc etc.  Now, if I were to think about everything I have learned throughout my life, I could have probably come up with the same number of toxins that Dr. Junger talks about in this book, but man, reading about all of them at once was a little alarming!  Do I need to just stand naked in the middle of a remote field the rest of my life?  Now, I don't think he was listing all of them to scare us and to make us stop using everything.  I think he was just trying to point out how hard it is to get away from toxins in our daily lives and that maybe we should rethink the toxins we CAN control.

Joe and I have already started reconsidering our soaps and cleaners in our apartment.  As we begin to use up our other products, I will start looking into other more friendly options for everything from toothpaste to detergent.  There are just so many products that we use.

The thing that kind of got me thinking was our water.  Our Denver tap water certainly tastes better than some of the other cities we've lived in, but it's not great.  As I sit here drinking my big tumbler of water, I can't help but think that it isn't 100% satisfying.  I can almost taste the chlorine they use to treat it.  Also, Dr. Junger pointed out the surprising percentage of water our body absorbs from the shower.  So even if I filter my water, I'm still getting those toxins in my body through my shower.  Oh, and don't get me started on my love of the pool.  :0)

So what is my plan?  I have never been a big fan of filter pitchers in the fridge because I hate refilling them constantly, so I think I will look at getting a sink faucet attachment filter for now.  When Joe and I buy a house, we may seriously consider installing a water filtration system.  As for the pool, I will continue to shower before I hop in the pool because then my body won't absorb as much chlorine from the pool.  And for showers....well...I'll continue to risk it.

While the detox program Dr. Junger discusses sounds intriguing.  I think I will pass for now and simply focus on all of the other healthy habits I am working on.  I don't want to overload myself and start getting confused.  Each book I have read has given me a little more insight and something to think about.  I think reducing my toxins when I can and visualizing like Jon from the Gabriel Method taught me is a good combination from both books that I could maintain.

Tomorrow, I'll start reading "Slim for Life" by Jason Vale...another "Hungry for Change" expert.  His focus is on juicing, something I already do once a day, so we will see what he has to add!

The Gabriel Method: A Book Review

Today I finished reading, "The Gabriel Method" by Jon Gabriel.  I was drawn to this book because Jon Gabriel is one of the experts on my favorite documentary, "Hungry for Change".  I seem to be addicted to learning as much as I can these days about my journey and so looking for books written by experts from my favorite documentary seemed to be a natural next step.  I downloaded three books by three different experts and read this one first.

What I enjoyed about this book was the simple approach he has to finding your true self.  Like much of what I have read prior to this book, he points out the importance of live, plant foods and feeding our bodies what they really want, not what our mind wants.  But what really stuck out to me in this book was his emphasis on visualization.

He describes many reasons why our bodies have turned on the 'FAT programs' to keep us safe from the outside world or from our dieting selves.  Not only do we need to tell our bodies that we are safe, but that we need them to turn off our FAT (Famine And Temperature) programs and restore our bodies to a healthier state.  He suggests getting these messages across to our bodies while in a meditative state.

I have never been very good at mediation, but thankfully the book came with a CD of an evening visualization session to help me along.  Another tool in visualization he asks us to use is a photo of a body of what we want to be.  He said that even if we think it is impossible, to use that picture anyway day and night and to start telling our minds that this is what we dream to be.

Along with visualization, he discusses the importance of probiotics, digestive enzymes, and omega-3's in our daily diets.  He also talks about how once you give your body what it needs, it will stop craving things that you or society deem as bad and you will start making decisions based on how certain things make you feel.  In the same vein, exercise will be the same.  Once your body gets fed the proper energy and nutrients, you won't be able to sit still.  You will want to get up and move.  That is what our bodies are programmed to do, we've just gotten them so out of whack, that they tend to want us to sit on the couch all day and do nothing.

The end of the book is a summary of testimonials from various people who have succeeded on the Gabriel Method.  Some lost weight slowly, others very quickly.  Jon himself used to be 410 pounds and is now down 200 pounds.  What I find the most interesting is that he said he currently has the exact body he visualized having when he was 200 pounds heavier.  He did not have to have any kind of surgery to get his skin back in place, it just happened.  Doctors were amazed at how his skin was able to snap back into place after years and years of abuse.  Jon said this is because it was his body's decision to be thin, he didn't force it.  Interesting.  I think I will keep up with my visualizations!

Willpower

I've been thinking about the word 'willpower' for some time now.  I have used this word many times in my life as an excuse for why I have acted a certain way, failed to do some activity or eaten a certain 'bad' food.  I have come to the conclusion that I have been abusing this word for years.

Willpower can refer to self-discipline, which is the control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for the purpose of personal improvement.  Or it can refer to self-control, which is the ability to exert ones will over the inhibitions of one's body or self.

For years, I have been on the 'diet' roller coaster.  Each new diet began with hope and success which was quickly followed by failure and disappointment.  Since I have been on my new path one theme keeps jumping out at me in the books I am reading.  Diets don't work.  There is a reason I was often met with disappointment.  I was setting my body up for failure by depriving it of foods, nutrients, and whatever else some diet told me to cut out.  Deprivation would throw my body into freak out mode that would cause it to say, "Hey!  What's going on?  We better store everything she is eating and make her really hungry so we can get more nutrients!"  Or "Beth isn't giving us the right fuel, so let's make her really tired so she doesn't abuse us at that exercise class again."

Meanwhile, I was beating myself up saying, "I can't believe I am so hungry!  I just have to eat that ...  I have NO willpower!  I'm a horrible person."  Or "I just don't have the willpower to get out of bed to go to that aerobics class that I hate.  What's wrong with me?"  "Why can't I have better willpower like so and so?"  I was sure that I was a failure because I had no self-discipline, but really, I can see now that it wasn't my fault.  Diets don't work.  My body wouldn't allow me to succeed at those diets.  It had nothing to do with my willpower.

Now that I understand what diets can do to my body and my willpower, I am beginning to see that I don't need self-discipline to live a healthy life along my new path!  Can you believe it?  I don't have to force myself to order organic, all natural plant foods.  I want them!  I don't have to force myself to try new recipes.  I enjoy cooking!  I don't have to force myself to eat more fruits and veggies.  They are delicious and my body is craving them!  I don't have to force myself to go exercise.  I love my aquatics class and I love to swim and be in the pool!  I don't have to force myself to go for a walk.  I love and need the sunshine on my face!  I don't have to deprive body of any foods.  I can have whatever I want whenever I want it!  Willpower in the form of self-discipline is dead to me.

Willpower in the form of self-control on the other hand, is alive and well.  My hiking adventure with Joe on Monday showed me that.  My body did not want to go up that mountain.  My heart rate, breath, and sore legs told me that.  But I exerted my self-control over what my body was telling me and forced it up that mountain.  Not because some diet told me to do it, but because I actually wanted to do it!  Who would have guessed that I would WANT to do that.  And let's be honest, as you learned from my previous post, the hike was more than I thought it would be, so it was actually more than I wanted.  But once I began the hike, I was sure as heck going to make it to the top of that mountain whether my body joined me or not.

On Wednesday morning, I did not go to my aquatics class.  That morning it just didn't sound like fun.  My first thought was to damn my willpower of self-discipline and to wallow in self pity and feel guilty for my decision.  But as I look back on the morning, I now realize that my body wasn't going to let me enjoy that class even if I went.  It was still exhausted and trying to recover from the 6 mile hike on Monday and the 2.4 mile walk to Whole Foods and back on Tuesday.  My body needed that rest and so I listened to it and gave it what it needed.

So here is my conclusion:  If you find yourself struggling with your willpower of self-discipline, then you aren't doing the right things.  Your body is trying to tell you something, so stop beating yourself up and listen to it.  Only use the word willpower if it is in relation to something you deep down want to do.  When YOU want to exert will over YOUR body.

Women Food and God: A book review

I have just finished reading, "Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything" by Geneen Roth and I want to share some bits that really stuck out to me.  First of all, Geneen Roth has been writing and giving retreats to women regarding their relationship with food for many years.  She herself has lost and gained over 1000 pounds in her life.  When she came upon her new path to 'stop dieting' she found herself and began sharing her knowledge and experiences.

Here are her eating guidelines:

1. Eat when you are hungry.
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment.
This does not include the car.
3. Eat without distractions.  Distractions include radio, television,
newspapers, books, phones, intense or anxiety-producing
conversations, or music.
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.

Now, I think I am just going to type out some parts of the book that spoke to me and maybe they will speak to you as well.

• "You will stop turning to food when you start understanding in your body, not just your mind, that there is something better than turning to food.  And this time, when you lose weight, you will keep it off.  Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsive eating.  Awareness, not deprivation, informs what you eat.  Presence, not shame, changes how you see yourself and what you rely on."
• "You are not a mistake.  You are not a problem to be solved.  But you won't discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself."
• "...I have never met anyone for whom years of rejection and hatred suddenly and miraculously turned to love, even after a face-life, lap-band surgery, liposuction.  When you love something you wish it goodness; when you hate something, you wish to annihilate it.  Change happens not by hatred, but by love.  Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own self interest."
• "I realize that coming home to your body after a lifetime of being at war with it might not seem appealing, especially if it is uncomfortable to sit or walk within its confines.  But just because homecomings are rocky does not mean you should spend the rest of your life avoiding them."
• "Trust the process, trust your longing for freedom.  Eventually you will stop wanting to do anything that interferes with the increasing brightness you have some to associate with being alive."
• "If you are willing to engage with yourself rather than run from yourself, and if you are willing to be steadfast and not get seduced by the newest greatest diet, you already have what people go to India to get.  Right there on your plate, right smack in the middle of your day-to-day life, you have your way back to the truth."
• Three Journeys of the Food Path:
• The Journey from Yourself - dieting, bingeing, exercising, fasting...your main goal is to fix yourself, to be at your ideal goal weight so you can stop focusing on food.  This journey will end in disappointment 100% of the time.  (Even if you reach your goal weight, you did so with force, deprivation, being untrue to yourself.)
• The Journey to Yourself - "You stop dieting.  You begin eating what your body wants.  You realize your eating isn't about lack of willpower but lack of understanding.  As much as you want to lose weight, you suddenly realize that keeping the weight on - and keeping the problem going - is familiar and comfortable."
• The Journey in God/Food/Life - "You end your search for more and better.  You no longer live as if this life is a dress rehearsal for the next."  "...you slowly realize that you are already whole and that there is no test to pass, no race to finish; even pain becomes another doorway, another chance to recognize where love appears to be absent."

If any of this has spoken to you, I highly suggest you read this or one of her other books.  I really enjoyed reading about her and the experiences of her students.  A lot of it I could relate to and the book really reinforced the journey I began two months ago.  She has talked about the fact that most people don't understand the "Eat what your body wants" guideline because they think that is an excuse to eat cake every moment and every day of their lives.  But if you look at the guideline closer, it says, "eat what your BODY wants" not your mind.  My mind would love cake all the time, but my body would be pissed.  I would constantly be sugar crashing, my stomach would ache, I would be lethargic, unhappy, unhealthy...it wouldn't be sustainable.  At some point, you have to listen to your body signals and, while it may take sometime, one day you will find yourself saying, "I don't want that piece of cake, I want that spinach salad with feta, pumpkin seeds, and raspberry vinaigrette."  And I know this to be true, because I have been craving (and eating) this salad all week!  When I shut my mind up long enough to hear what my body wants, I find myself making better decisions in the long run.

Roth, Geneen.  "Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything".  Scribner  New York 2010.